Helping hands make for happy holidays

In the words of Jean Vanier “the health of a community can be measured by the quality of its welcome of the unexpected visitor or of someone who is poor, by the joy and simplicity of relationships between its members, by its creativity in response to the cry of the poor.”

Those new to our province who will be experiencing their first  or even a second holiday season in New Brunswick would benefit immeasurably from a helping hand, a guiding hand to lead them  in joining in celebrations of the season. 

Initially, our cold climate may keep people not used to it inside. Moving from warm climes to our sometimes deep freeze winter temperatures is quite an adjustment; coping with it can be expensive if one doesn’t have the necessary clothing - coats and hats, scarves, boots, gloves and mittens. Then there’s the added expense of winter heating. 

Make a date with your closets, grab some boxes and fill them up. What you haven’t worn for two winter seasons would be appreciated by those who have little or nothing. Gather a group of friends to do a purge of your childrens’ closets while you’re at it. Gently used clothing is always welcome by those who have such needs. Make a day of it and bake cookies while you’re at it; creating that holiday spirit is easy once you make the decision to jump in and do it. Inviting a few of those neighbours new to your block to participate in the festivities is a great way to get to know folks you may not have previously taken time for.

When you meet the needs of another, whether known to you or not, you are also nourishing yourself. 

Volunteerism is still alive and well, but it needs constant nurturing. If you have time to spare out of your busy daily schedule to contribute to the emotional health and wellness of others, then do it  — do it for you and do it for them. Making a connection with a new neighbour from another part of the world is a start. Showing them around the neighbourhood, learning about their culture while they learn about yours allows for personal growth. These connections are also ideal ways for children to experience many different things, and that my friends, has an added benefit. It breaks into the bully cycle that seems pervasive in our culture. When children are able to emulate positive role models, they appreciate the differences and differentness of others around them and grow into a pattern of giving and sharing.

This time of year we are most immediately alerted to the needs of those who are less fortunate; The Salvation Army kettles, fund raising efforts of service clubs, turkey drives, and so on. The needs march on each and every day not just at holiday time. Food bank shelves require ongoing replenishment to meet increased demands as more people are relying on them through no fault of their own; the number of children in poverty is significant and your helping hand closes the gap. Stocking the shelves is no more important than at this time of year so that families on the fringes will feel somewhat more included than they otherwise would without access to the ‘safety net’. What must not be forgotten is that our contributions all year long ensure that those among us who are struggling don’t have to work so hard to make ends meet, forced to decide between heating and eating. You and your contributions do make a difference.

As well, lots of school children don’t always have the full complement of supplies that will allow them to complete the daily requirements on par with peers who have no such deficiencies of tools and accessories. Perhaps you and your family or a group of your friends could fill in the gaps by getting in touch with schools in your area to find out what their needs are. Teachers routinely spend their own money to ensure that the students who are at risk won’t stand out any further because they ‘don’t have’. There’s a lot of behind the scenes giving going on by teachers all across this province; without their contributions, the entire class suffers.  Teachers do worry about what happens to Jack or Janice when they go home at the end of the day. While they’re grading papers, they may wonder if those children had enough to eat on the day they took a critical test.

Just as the teachers do, you could establish a group and create more networks of silent partners to buoy ‘at risk’ children, by organise drives to collect school related items all year long and then distribute them to classroom teachers. Contributions to literacy with age appropriate books that children may take home as their own would also be welcome. Again, make a few calls and find out where your hands may help.  

Across time, helping hands grow communities.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca 

A new year is a chance to do better, to be better

Entering my 64th year as a person living with since birth disability, I must give myself a pat on the head and even a pat on the back; I’m quite flexible. I’m still uprightly mobile and able to function totally and freely in my home with little requirement for outside help, though I conceded several years ago to having someone come in from time to time to help with deep/heavy cleaning. I’m not one to be overly foolhardy, though I have tested the limits of my abilities a time or two. Thankfully, I was none the worse for wear.

That brings me to how things are for me now and going forward. Several weeks ago, I had a conversation with my doctor about pain, specifically pain in my lower back. I was having extreme difficulty putting one foot in front of the other along with an inability to  bend down to pick up the dogs’ food bowls or safely getting into my therapy tub. Anything that involved bending or lifting the legs was very painful. A intestinal issue thought to be contributing to the problem was resolved with a drugstore over the counter treatment. Additionally, the doctor prescribed a muscle relaxant. I looked at the dosage, and given it causes drowsiness, I decided to take only 1/2 the tablet at bedtime; the pharmacist agreed with that course. It’s a good thing I lowered the dose because I slept in 3 hours later than usual after the first 1/2 tablet. That’s been the case since starting this short term, no refills, prescription drug. My sleep-ins have impacted the dogs’ schedule, with elder statesman not being  happy and making sure that I know exactly how he feels. Let’s just say that he’s all about contributing to  ‘make work’ projects just for me.

Secondary implications of cerebral palsy can include a range of arthritic conditions and postural changes that impede freedom of movement.  For that reason, I do a lot of stretching exercises. I learned years ago never get out of bed quickly — been there, done that. I got lightheaded instantly but had the wherewithal to wait it out until my sensibilities were restored before standing. My brother-in-law actually fell doing that very thing. So, each morning, I sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before standing. As well, I have bedroom furniture arranged in such a way that I always have something to touch for balance.  While I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, I do a few spine and leg limbering exercises. I encourage people 40+ to engage in soft/passive exercises each morning before starting the day, given that rush-rush first thing in the morning is not conducive to health and wellness and may impact the rest of your day. Slow `n steady gets you further and all in one piece.

A daily thyroid medication and the short term use of a muscle relaxant is the extent of my ‘doctor drugs’ regimen. A few other prescription medication are used ‘as required’ and that is very infrequently. Pain relievers of choice are a therapy tub sessions and use of a heated bag which contains buckwheat. As I still walk, most of my pain is of the wear and tear variety with the spine having a constant dull ache. I’m proactive  and do a lot of stretching exercises with a favourite being similar to what a cat does — fully outstretched on the floor, palms down, then arch the back and go into a sit position, until the buttocks touch the heels. I do this several times a day. This single exercise has contributed significantly to my overall wellness. The dogs like to help.

My point in sharing this bit about myself is to remind you that there are many things you can do each and every day to improve your level of wellness, of health. Those things you do to enhance the quality of your daily life contribute to a reduction of often unnecessary visits to the ER, and admissions to hospital for unspecified illness/condition. Often, people, especially those who are socially isolated, become unwell to the point of hospitalization because they are, in a word, lonely. They are in need of a good dose of people contact. 

Becoming your neighbour’s keeper is as easy as dropping in with coffee and doughnuts. Make a point to connect with 2 or 3 people on the street where you live known to have limited community access. If and when you are able, include them on a few outings. Encourage your friends to ‘adopt’ a few seniors who are isolated. Their health will improve and that means they’ll rely less on the ER coffee klatch which saves money in the health care pot; money that can perhaps be re-routed to more at home programs for seniors. A win-win for all!

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca 

Even the bullies are lonely

Much has been written about bullying, about loneliness, about isolation, about being alone. Being alone and being lonely are not synonymous; however, being a bully and being isolated have potential to be  significant problems for anyone who uses the ‘big bat’ of bullying behaviour to get what they want or what they think they want or what they believe is there right to have. Often, the true bully has no filter, running roughshod through life, consequences be damned. One may question whether the behaviour is learned or if one is born to bully; a genetic flaw that shapes a person from cradle to grave.

Our schools have had to cope with bullies of all ages and stages, from kindergarten to twelfth grade and beyond. Teachers make every effort to respond to concerns in a timely fashion, whether it’s having conversations with the bullying student to meeting with parents to discuss ways to correct behaviour. Where to start? Where did the problem originate? Can we know that? Does it begin at home? Is the bully born within the blending of genetics, or is the bully designed by circumstances that are perceived as negative to his/her own agenda?

In school, the bully reign may last for a few years or for several, as they develop skilful ways to hide who they really are. They torment just enough to make a point to their targets, often having a list of regulars; the easy marks. But then something happens - many targets grow up and develop a maturity that allows them to stand up and defend themselves. But what about the rest? Will they always be victimised by the bully? What about the bully? Yes, bullies can outgrow the behaviour that puts almost every aspect of their life into chaos.  It requires a commitment to change and it requires that teachers and others accept the sincerity of the attempt to make changes, lending support as and when required.

There are lots of great teachers in our school, often going quietly about the business of parenting children who are struggling. Being the second Mom or Dad for one who may not be fully or ever available in the home, the home room teacher is often the first line of defence - the beacon in the storm for the struggling child; the bully, needs help but just doesn’t know how to ask for it. 

Sometimes bullying stops without intervention when the behaviour stops paying off. Sadly, though,  some bullies will continue to relate to the world that way all their lives because they never learn to behave differently. No one holds up a mirror to them so they can see what is happening because of their behavior.

Contrary to popular belief, the bully is not necessarily the biggest or strongest boy or girl in the class.  The bully may often seem to be very demure and gentle and it can come as a shock to the teachers and/or parents to find that this child is bullying someone.  Often bullying children are seeking attention due to a lack of love, support and/or attention from their parents.   Are they being bullied in the home? The bully may then believe that bullying is an effective and acceptable way to get people to do their bidding. Bullying can result from the bully being jealous or resentful of the victim – perhaps they have attentive parents and the bully does not, perhaps the victim is a high achiever at school and the bully feels inadequate in his/her own school work. The reasons are manifold.

Who is the typical victim of bullying?  Again, we perhaps envisage the fat child, the child who wears big glasses, the ‘geek’, the child with obvious physical or intellectual challenges, and so on. This is incorrect.  The truth is that there is no ‘typical’ victim.  A bully has no justification in his/her actions and so nothing sets the bullied child apart as being typical or deserving of the bullying.  Bullying is completely unjust and the victim, while they often blame themselves, is in no way to blame for the bully’s behaviour. 

Holding a bully accountable has to be handled delicately in some cases as the ‘adult in the room’ must not lose sight of the possibility that the bully is also a victim; a victim behind closed doors in a home that may be totally dysfunctional or one that presents with just enough ‘normal’ to avoid scrutiny by authorities in positions to intervene. Secrecy keeps the cycle going.

In todays world of social networking sites, twitter and tweets, and the concurrent anonymity that goes with those venues, parents and other adults need to be watchful for changes in the child who is drifting into the bully zone, whether as victim or perpetrator of mean behaviour. School administrations could develop chat sessions on a regular basis; assembly-style gatherings where students may voice concerns. An ‘open door’ policy to dialogue is critical.

You, too, can lend your ear to a child in trouble who just needs to be heard. 

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca 

Mr. Digby's on a diet

       It was Friday,  11 March, 2011, and Mr. Digby the Australian  Silky Terrier aka The Terrorist aka The Thief aka Too Smart for His Own Good went on a diet! On that date, he was groomed and weighed 2 pounds over his ideal weight of 14 pounds. That’s a lot for such a little dude but he carried it well, according to the vet. Of course, it’s winter and we tend to put on a few – to stay warm, right? In the case of a dog, that’s actually true, so that they can survive the elements. In fact, the groomer said that Mr. Digby’s combo Cairn-Yorkie coat was perfect for the weather, unlike the 4 Yorkies she had groomed earlier in the day – they were fine-haired, shivery little things.

I had started putting Mr. D, as I call him, outside for longer periods of time beginning in late September to boost up his upcoming winter coat. Obviously, it worked because prior to grooming he looked like some unkempt cave-dweller who hadn’t seen a bath and a brush in ages.

Action was taken that very evening, once Mr. D and I got back from the city. I didn’t actually put him on a diet – he gets ¼ cup of food and two halves of  2 different kinds of biscuits at 8a.m and an identical portion of food at 6p.m. – if he’s not promptly served, he wails at me or throws toys; he can tell time! The lad is seriously demanding, but funny.

What I did do, however, was start a new regimen – I measured out his ¼ cup of food and put it in his treats ball That ball is almost the size of his head and he’s able to pick it up, grabbing on to the indentations, and flinging it. Most often, I’ll put just a few treats in it and he’ll roll it around the house – I’d give it to him mid-afternoon. The rules of the game changed – now, it was going to deliver his daily meals. I wasn’t sure if he’d go for that but what the heck, I’m alpha bitch! He either ate or didn’t. Up to him.  That first evening, I filled the ball and he leaped at me, full of anticipation, grabbing the ball and running off with it, to fling it around. As pieces of kibble fell to the floor, he chased after them – I timed the process. From start to finish, it took him a full ½ hour to empty the ball. That’s one ½ hour of exercise down! I had put the 2 biscuit halves in his food bowl in the kitchen. He ran out to get one, ran back to the hand-hooked rug in the hall way between my bedroom and the guest room, to eat the biscuit. Then, he made a mad dash to the kitchen to fetch the other and similarly dispose of it. The food in treats ball was a success.

The next morning, again I fill the ball and dispensed biscuit halves. Again, it took him ½ hour to finish his breakfast; likewise, dinner. This weight reduction method may work out well after all.

The following morning, the third, at the appointed hour I left the online reading of my morning papers over coffee to fill Mr. D’s meal ball (had to change the name). I called him to ‘come, get breakfast!’ –  he knows several phrases, whether it’s by intonation or actual words, who can be sure, though, he is a terrier, and they’re very intelligent. He came barreling into the kitchen from the living room sliding through the dining room and almost slamming into the a little storage unit at the edge of the counter– that little fellow sure loves to eat.  I looked around for the ball; wasn’t in the kitchen. Wandered through to the office/tv room – not there.  Travelled in sock feet to the far end of the house, with Mr. Digby a few paces behind, rather like Prince Philip; normally, he bolts in front of me. I think he knew what I was looking for the whole time!  Not in the living room, which is carpeted; on hands and knees, I looked under a table here, a table there, with the dog closing up the rear, figuratively and literally! Using the sofa, I pushed myself to an upright position and shuffled through to my bedroom which is also carpeted; again on hands and knees, looking around the bed, with the dog ‘helping’. No ‘meal ball’. Then, crossing through the carpeted hallway it was on to the guest room, similarly carpeted. 

Down on all fours I go, looking for the ball – nada. I went back to the bedroom for another look. Nothing. Finally, I said ‘screw this!’ and got up and went downstairs to the den to put wood in the stove. Finally, I heard it – the sound of the ‘meal ball’ being flung against a wall in my bedroom above my head. Then I laughed right out loud when I saw Mr. Digby staring down at me through the floor grate, with ball in mouth. Earlier, while I had been searching on my hands and knees in one room, Mr. Digby was moving the blasted ball – hiding it! I wasted no time in getting back upstairs before he spirited the ball away yet again. I swear when I met up with him, he was laughing at me! I grabbed up the ball, filled it with his breakfast and went about my morning. When evening came, and it was soon time for his dinner, I had picked up the ball well in advance so he’d not have a chance to abscond with it again.

Fast forward to 2017 — in typical terrier fashion, Mr. Digby is much like my previous canine companions – perpetually stuck in the ‘terrible 2’s’ though he’s 14 years old now. His kibble is still dispensed in the food ball but now he has another ‘training/exercise’ tool, an 8 year old Maltese adopted two years ago. They’re having a grand time and burning a heck of a lot of calories together. Love in bloom is good for body and soul!

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca 

Addressing the needs of persons with disabilities during natural disasters

As I watch, in a deliberately limited way, the news resports of earthquakes and hurricanes battering lives, homes and busineses in various parts of the United States, Mexico and the Caribbean, my thoughts are drawn to ‘how do persons with disability cope?’ and what mechanisms are place to assist those in special/unique circumstances that preclude them fully helping themselves.

Though my experience during the 2014 Hurricane Arthur in no way compares to the trauma endured by persons with disability who are victims of Harvey, Irma,  José, and Maria, I certainly empathize with those challenged by limited mobility in the face of such unbelievably trying times. 

During the power outage caused by Hurricane Arthur, I was fortunate to have kind and generous neigbours, one of whom provided me with 2 hours daily use of his generator; he’d bring it over to my home and connect the freezer, mobility scooter and coffee maker, before moving on to share it with another neighbour for a few hours.

My reality at that time bore out literature reviews which found that persons with disability are less likely to evacuate during natural disasters. For me it wasn’t that I was unaware of services that might be available to me as one who lives with disability. It was more a case of feeling safer in familiar surroundings. My risk of falling would be significantly greater should I have relocated,  and then there was my concern with my pets. I weighed the benefits against the risks and opted to stay in place. Were I thrust into a hurricane zone, my plan of escape and protection would obviously change. 

I’m fully aware that chronic conditions — combined with the physiological, sensory, and cognitive changes experienced as part of aging — result in frail older adults having special needs during emergencies. Planning and coordination amongst public health and emergency preparedness professionals and professionals who provide services for the aging are essential to meet these special needs. Those of compromised infants, toddlers and youngsters must also be considere during a disaster.

  At the local level, various town hall meetings could be held to identify the issues and determine what mechanisms need to be put in place at a moment’s notice. Access to specialized equipment would be critical to those, both young and old using powered mobility aids, ventilators, beds and chairs.

People with disabilities often require assistance and additional lead time in order to prepare for a disaster, so if you are aware of such needs in your area, make your availability known to service agencies so that if you are able, you may offer supports to those in need.

It’s important for persons with disability to make their requirements known and not be shy about asking for help when they know they may need it — someday. It’s better to have a plan in place well before disaster strikes than wait for the day to come and not being ready  throws you into a total panic.  A network of friends, family and neighbors can assist in disaster preparations and getting you to a safe place.

Years ago, I drafted a Care of Mr. Digby document which I gave to one of my elder brothers in the event I was unable to care for the dog. He likened Mr. Digby to a small child given the detail with which I outlined the dog’s needs. I really need to update since I have a second ‘hairy child’. People should come with instructions, too.

Helpful would be to post instructions on the refrigerator outlining your daily regimen, any necessary equipment required and the names of emergency contacts. Wearing a medical alert tag or bracelet might be considered if extra care is required. Registering with local fire department or volunteer center is an added layer of protection during a disaster for the at risk person with disability, making sure to direct rescue personnel to the easiest access to your home —   if you require assistance to vacate, they can reach you. Alert them to any companion animals in the home, providing call names and name of vet and other contact persons. Ensure that leashes and other restraints are available to secure your pets for their safety.

If mobility is significantly compromised, have an escape chair, perhaps a used manual wheelchair available. If you don’t have one now, it’s something to consider  for the future. Perhaps a family Christmas gift to you and your peace of mind. Keep a flashlight, whistle or bell handy to alert personnel to your whereabouts.

Contact agencies like the Red Cross and Ability New Brunswick to find out what measures they already have in place. Public Safety Canada also has a wealth of information so that those who are or live with a person with challenges to living and safety can be educated about what to do in an emergency.

Being prepared is a way to care.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, New Brunswick with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca via email.

Aging with disability is a co-operative effort

For some, aging as I am with spastic diplegic cerebral palsy or any such brain injury is not easy, with lots of men and women experiencing daily pain in arms and legs that just don’t work the way they used to, to the constant throbbing pain in the spine, to a chest pressure that sometimes mimics a heart attack. Though constant, the discomfort may be dull, requiring no pain management interventions, or for some the pain may be so severe that they require morphine and other such narcotics. I do quite well on a daily basis except when it rains as my body does not tolerate humidity well at all — thankfully, I very rarely have to medicate/sedate. I do take a non-prescription diuretic ‘as required’ because I don’t want to get locked into taking something longer than I really have to or need to. 

Those of a ‘certain age’ appreciate the need to get up and move if they are able. Findings from a report published in the Annals of Internal Medicine found that sitting for excessively long periods of time is a risk factor for early death. What’s not explored is the implications for those who cannot walk or ‘move about’ as the ‘typically aging’ person is able to do. 

The differently able have a whole host of concerns that need to be addressed as part of their daily living plan so clinicians involved with developing specific regimens need to be aware of the extent of limitations and what tasks/exercises that would improve health and wellness might be incorporated into a daily routine. If possible and practical, that routine needs to be maintained as well during periods of hospitalisation.

Should I ever require hospitalization for illness or injury, I would expect that nursing staff to fully accommodate those needs specific to my birth and ongoing mobility disorder; they must afford the same consideration to all patients under their care who have special needs outside of those that brought them into the hospital in the first place. To not accomodate unique needs is not doing their jobs and if some nursing staff caught in the trap of a cavalier attitude gave thought to that reality of how how their behaviour impacts patient care, they’d make changes or be compelled to make them.

Nurses have a duty to ensure a patient’s comfort and safety. Is their nursing career a calling or is it ‘just’ a paycheck? I don’t think I’m off the mark when I say that some nurses are not always doing their jobs in a manner that speaks to genuine care of patient; they’re trapped in a complacency that can and often sadly does put patients at risk. Years ago, during a hospital stay, I was put at risk when a nurse actually grabbed me to ‘assist’ me. Her action could have caused irreparable damage. That is my reality. It’s the reality of many with long-term chronic disabilities who are hospitalised and the full impact of what they have lost over time must never be dismissed by givers of care who are treating them for conditions that directly impact their disability. 

Administrators need to be cognizant of the fact that some nurses are failing their patients and corrective measures must be taken to address those concerns in a timely fashion. When a patient says no, the patient means no. Do no harm is paramount.

In my opinion, having been put through my paces from Monday to Sunday during my formative years and knowing from where I speak, I believe that seniors in care facilities who no longer walk, or no longer walk as much as they used to may actually like to engage in a light exercise regimen. In fact, a few exercises done before bed will actually contribute to a better rest — that ‘good tired’ achieved from physical activity. Too often, sleep is induced with medications; certainly, they have their place, but what if they could be replaced with a few exercises to work the arms and legs, the spine and the core? A medicated/drugged sleep is not a restorative rest and doesn’t contribute to a stress/pain free day. Movement of limbs actually reduces pain, if done slowly and gently. Think about how you’d feel if not able to get up and about, or not be able to reach for this or that on a table beside your bed - a table that may be ‘just out of reach’. Because it doesn’t take a long time before a group of muscles weaken, it reasons that better toned limbs would contribute to more efficient self-care in the clinical setting.

Patient health and wellness must be a co-operative team approach and staff must co-operate with patients who have often lived for decades with conditions that require they be handled with a different kind of care than the mainstream patient without disability.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, New Brunswick with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca via email.

Focusing in on that blurred line between parenting and teaching

It’s that time of year, everyone. Classes are in full swing and parents breathe a sigh of relief as they get their  children, youngsters, middlsters and oldsters in high school, convinced they know it all, off to their respective hallowed halls of learning. 

Teachers can’t nor should they be expected to do it alone. Parents PARENT and parents TEACH. Parenting IS teaching, from the first moments of birth; the parents, with mother first, teach the child. The roles of parent and teacher requires a commitment to ‘quality’ and ‘control’, and parents will teach long after their child has left formal schooling. Teach by example.

Teachers enter the fray when the child is delivered to his first formal setting of learning within 4 walls and the requisite ‘time to sit down, sit still and pay attention’ thing is in force. Some children may object and will be in for a bit of a shock if they were not prepared at home beforehand.  Lots of parents prepare their children from the very first day they’re brought home from hospital; structure is essential. Formal school is going to a journey with lots of twists and turns for child and parent(s).

I recall reading two online newspaper articles written several years ago about two incidents in the US where Grade One teachers failed their entire class. They both got a lot of flak from parents and the community at large. Both, in the respective cases, were of the opinion that the children had no business being in Grade One at all; they were not remotely ready for the challenges of sitting down, sitting still, attending to task, even in short bursts. The children were ‘all over the place’ because that’s what they did at home. One teacher, with decades of teaching experience, was terminated. A sad commentary on where priorities often are when it comes to early education and education in general.

When my stepson was young, he struggled in school; at a parent-teacher conference when he was in Grade One, I expressed the sentiment that he should not be promoted to Grade Two as he was not emotionally ready — in fact, he wasn’t emotionally ready to be in Grade One in the first place. His teachers disagreed. His father could see my position but felt teachers and administrators knew best, so, my stepson went on to Grade Two and failed. It was downhill from there, with several social promotions peppered with suspensions and at the end, expulsion from school. Today, he’s an adult who still lacks direction and purpose.

“In loco parentis” was the order of the day for children in lower school, where teaching was child centred, with teachers carrying on what the child was taught at home. Wait a minute! What if the child wasn’t really taught? What if the parenting style was such that once children reached the walking and talking stage, they were given free rein with little or no constraints in place. They had the ‘run of the house’. Some may have two working parents and spend from 8a.m. to 5p.m. in a daycare center. Some parents may be able to afford a nanny or housekeeper so their child is able to stay at home, safe and warm, while Mom and Dad work. In how many of those homes is television the real babysitter? Is there structured learning in place on a daily basis, as precursors to the ‘sit down and be still’ that will come with kindergarten, first grade, second grade, and so on?

Recently, a Facebook contact reported in a posting that her grandaughter forgot her lunch bag on the kitchen table. Grandma wasted no time in getting it to her, saying she didn’t want her to go hungry; she needed food to be able to learn.  Was Grandma delivering the lunch enabling the child, who was ‘old enough’ to know better? The youngster was not going to fade away into oblivion if she missed a lunch meal. The missed lunch could have become a teaching moment; instead it had potential to set the stage for more enabling. Will grandmother and child own their behaviour?

What a child learns at home, he carries with him into the classroom.  Johnny leaves an expensive pair of sneakers at school, finding out the next day that they’ve been stolen. Parents buy a new pair. Sasha leaves a bookbag with a electronic tablet on a chair in the dining hall and it goes missing. Oops! Will the parents replace the bookbag and the contents without question or will they have a conversation with the child and negotiate a repayment scheme? After all, it’s the child who needs the tablet and the books, papers and pens, right? 

Always remember and never forget — teaching and learning is a two-way street. Don’t worry, Mom and Dad. Your brains nor your wallets don’t have to explode. You will survive.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, New Brunswick with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca via email.