Talents and tenacity

 

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant. [Homer]

    Did my adversity, or what I call a life challenge, plant the seeds of my talents, of my tenacity to press on in spite of? As I look back on my life and reflect upon where I started and how far I’ve come, I have to say yes, my limitations to physical mobility did, most assuredly, develop my talents. 

    I have a talent for writing among other things. That particular gift has allowed me to take on the role of mentor, both in person, early in my growing up and work life and later on, as I move to the online world to share what I know about life and living with disability. 

    Certainly, as to the writer me, genetics played a role; my father had the gift of words, as did his late brother.  Both physicians, my uncle went on to have a successful 2nd career as a newspaper columnist offering medical advice. His columns were later developed into a book. Lucky me! I have a signed copy. He and my father would be pleased to know that I’ve found a niche online, particularly since aging with cerebral palsy has impacted my ability to move about easily and freely in the day to day, touchy feely world.

    In today’s internet connected world that links us together in ways that we never could have imagined 20 or 30 years ago, we have opportunity explore many avenues of interest at the same time, shifting from one computer screen to another; taking it all in, like a greedy puppy.

    With all the technological advancements that enhance learning opportunities, why do so many still struggle? Talent and tenacity isn’t always enough. And so enters mentoring. Someone who believes in what you can do and is willing to share what they’ve learned on their own journey so that yours may be easier. 

    Simply put, many students, young or old, rely on people power to enrich their learning process.  Joining with one or two, three or four people not only allows for sharing ideas to organize thoughtful study, it’s a way to network to establish other relationships that may be more social in nature. Aligning with another who’s been there, done that is one of the best ways to ensure that what you’re diving into is going to stick. Social interactions are critical to development, from cradle to grave. 

Mentoring men and women of any age who need a guiding hand is a way that those who have talents to share are able to do so with the knowledge that they are lifting up others to a more level playing field. That is always a good thing. The beauty of it is that, over time, there’s a reciprocity as students become teachers and coach others in skills needed to advance in school or in the workplace.

Families living on the financial fringes trying to raise children through the various ages and stages of development and education very often struggle with the cost of it all. Joining forces with a mentor or two is a way for them to keep up with less physical and emotional strain, which is so draining on a family’s resources in the long term and makes the jobs of Mom and Dad more challenging.

Mentoring has no specific age requirement but it reasons that many toddlers aren’t quite up to the challenge, though some would have a go at teaching a playmate how to make a peanut butter sandwich. 

Children who come into the world with any sort of impediment or challenge to daily living and inclusion, however developed, have to be guided carefully if an intact intellect is present so that they can become students, however adept, of a range of disciplines, whether it’s colouring, weaving, learning to type, telling stories. The processes of ‘getting there’ are unique to the individual and teachers must step back, wait and watch to see what happens. 

Within a group of youngsters, there will be one or two or three who will quite naturally step into the role of mentor. Let them. That’s their own learning at work. All manner of skills are learned in an environment that’s not particularly structured. That, alone, makes the steps more easily remembered and put into action the next time. 

Children with disability are presented with many opportunities for inclusion that are compatible with their situations so that they are able to experience even a modicum of success without fear of failure. Feelings of insecurity often weigh particularly heavily on children who struggle to find their place in a peer group; for some, who have the gift of language, mentoring becomes easier as confidence grows. Leading reading groups is often a great place to start. Teachers and other adults in their world should encourage after school reading circles. It’s a great way to expand social circles outside of the classroom and it takes the pressure off the struggling reader as he expands his portfolio of talents. Talents that will carry him through his academic career and beyond. Community theatre is another avenue that children with challenges can explore. 

So many opportunities are available today that weren’t even thought of when I was in grade school; even in smaller communities there are endless opportunities to explore ourselves from the inside out. According to Shakespeare, “all the world’s a stage.”

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Sustaining friendship creates community

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. [Wilson Mizner]

Friendships take many forms and can span decades, from cradle to grave in some cases, when youngsters were born in the same town, where parents were friends and actively involved in all aspects of community life. It reasoned that children would go with that flow of familial connectedness and share in common interests and goals very early in their lives. Those social connections were the melting pot into which various ingredients were poured that determined the path youngsters would take as they grew into themselves. 

Twists and turns in life are inevitable; they’re all part of the learning process that allows us to find our place and accept that what we contribute is valuable and what we take away is often more valuable. We all are works in progress. Growth is accelerated when children work together and begin to realize that their contribution matters. Knowing that gives them staying power to hang in and fight the good fight; there are younger children on the sidelines watching them. It won’t be long before those new voices are heard. Teaching and learning isn’t just an adult in a classroom directing the traffic of education. Teachers help children acquire the tools to be a friend and to have friends. That’s a vital piece of the fabric of that shared experience of grade school education. Further education at the post-secondary level or jumping right into work life are other avenues of developing friendships with a broad range of people with both shared interests and those yet to be explored. To coin an oft-used phrase – it’s not the quantity of friends but the quality of friends that provides the framework upon which we build our own lives with our own families.

Our first friends are our siblings. Our parents aren’t supposed to be our friends though many adults lay claim to that sort of relationship with their children. Call me an old poop, but a parent is a parent; a teacher, a guide, an example.

Growing up with 7 siblings, and the closeness in age among some, friends and other connections were shared. Sports was a common thread along which friendships were formed and sustained. I didn’t have the same grade school experience as my siblings with regard to friendship development given my awkward mobility. Friendships found their way into my world when I began university and the playing field was more level by virtue of there being other students with disability present and visible. I didn’t have that experience when I was in grade school.

I like to be that friend who comes through in a crisis and it’s gratifying to know that it will be reciprocated when needs arise. It’s important for us to nurture friendships, however infrequently, though time and distance may impact ‘quality togetherness’. Internet communication lends itself well to filling in the gaps until in person meetings are available. COVID restrictions are lifted and summer travel will be in full swing and with that a rejuvenation of friendship connections that were put on the back burner. Some didn’t survive. That’s not a bad thing, though. Sometimes, people’s interests change, diverge. 

A true friend gives support without judgment, comes through in a crisis and knows just the right thing to say when it matters most. Friendships are an essential ingredient in a happy life, so it’s time to give them the care and attention they deserve. When they flounder and fail, do we blame others, or do we take time to reflect on what we could or should have done better to sustain the connection?

Family relationships often come with a dose of guilt and obligation. Friends, on the other hand, are the antidote to the burdens of daily life.

With family, we sometimes feel that we have to do this or that and feel put upon when the demands of elderly parents or an unwell sibling impinges on our ‘quality time’. In the best of circumstances, life isn’t always fair, so we have an obligation to ourselves to pause and assess what it is that we can do on a daily basis, a weekly basis, or whatever basis, to improve the circumstance of someone in our familial world who is struggling. Have multiple siblings, aunts, uncles, and others allows us to share the rota.

As is the way of the world and life, people become more focused on certain connections as they age into a new phase of their lives. Midlifers and those near retirement tend to make plans to care for an aging or elderly parent; perhaps having Mom and Dad move from the family home of their childhood into their home as a grown up, married adult with a growing family. A whole new series of connections are made that allow for different blends of friends. Always a good thing.

Though one may be inclined to feel mad or sad when a friendship weakens over time or simply ends, don’t be distressed. Unless one of the parties did something truly offensive, drifting away and apart is sometimes a natural progression that allows us to explore other streams of connectedness. There’s still room to care and share with new people who come into our lives. Be open to embracing a different journey. Expanding our social circle is good for emotional and physical health.

Try it, you’ll like it.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at  Carla MacInnis Rockwell