Words matter, so choose yours wisely

 

Photo: James Snell/Postmedia Network

Words matter! How we speak to another, regardless of their place in our immediate sphere determines how they will react and respond to us.

When interacting with very young children, the words we use are tailored to the notion of ‘age appropriateness’ and the listener’s ability to comprehend. Talking ‘down’ to children has potential to be demoralizing and defeating and as a consequence is not instructive. Parents brought their son or daughter into the world and now that the little people are here, the adults in the room have another role — that of teacher. A parent with a sound moral compass is able to effectively teach children right from wrong, so that a son and daughter may take their place in their community and in the broader society. Then, those young people venture forth to their first real job with real earning power, often in the food service industry. Then something horrible happens. They get screamed at for doing their job.

In this age of COVID denialism, mask defiance and vaccine defiance, what are far too many adults, Moms and Dads, really teaching their children? Is it fear that’s driving them to dismiss science, to ignore the law? Laws in place to protect all. That behaviour cannot stand without challenge. It must not stand without challenge.

Recent press has shone a light on just how out of touch with their moral compass so many people have become; supposedly mature adults, who have access to our roadways with lethal weapons, their vehicle, are screaming at restaurant wait staff claiming violation of their rights. Seriously! Those overly enraged people are in COVID shock, trapped in a rolling drum of emotions that they don’t know what to do with. With diminished coping skills, they jeopardize the health and safety of those around them who are trying to do the right things in spite of the turmoil.

Young people, as example, are working to pay for school, or just pay their way in life in general. The human brain isn’t fully developed until at least 25, so for men and women beyond that age screaming at children, yes children, is unacceptable no matter how those who do it try to spin it. COVID isn’t going away any time soon so it’s time for everyone who is eligible to get the vaccine so that life can get back to some semblance of normal, or at the very least, a ‘new normal’ that is kinder and gentler. The holiday season needs that peace.

Historically and sadly, holiday time brings out the very worst in some people and it’s the same angst year after year. Since COVID visited the world a few years ago, the anger meter of far too many is off the charts. It’s unfortunate and clearly unacceptable that their behaviour is doing potentially irreparable damage to those in their communities who are tasked with providing service or keeping citizens safe and healthy. Young people are the future. Have we forgotten that?

Step away from your self-serving ME and get to know the WE you used to be or could be. There are so many things that both young and old could be doing to lift their spirits. Being vaccinated provides us with more freedom of movement within the community to engage in activities we enjoy. It also opens the doors to new opportunities as the job/career landscape has changed during COVID times.

Food banks are scrambling to serve the food insecure and you can contribute to bending and perhaps breaking the back of that problem by donating your time and energy to such worthy causes. They get lots of peanut butter, jam and jelly, but they don’t get enough loaves of bread to put under it. English muffins, flat breads, pita breads are great alternatives that would be most welcome. Use your voice to spread the word about expanding contributions to food banks and other such venues whose mission is to ensure a better quality of health and wellness for those who are struggling and have done so for decades, long before COVID visited. When the lesser among us are healthier, all are healthier, making for a holiday time that’s less stressful and more meaningful. Raise a glass to yourself.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Bob, the times need to change a bit faster

“You don’t sound disabled.” Words heard almost  40 years ago during a telephone interview when I had to disclose a mobility disorder because the location of the job was hampered by steps and the building had no elevator. I had to take a pass on the employment opportunity.

Suffice to say I was mortified at the interviewer’s attitude. After all, it was only a few years before, in 1981, that the world shared the International Year of Persons with Disability. It was also the year that Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer, both patrons of a range of agencies and organizations advocating on behalf of persons with challenges to daily living. 

Time marches on and I heard those very words — “you don’t  sound disabled” —  just a few weeks ago. To say my head was figuratively spinning is an understatement. How can it be that such attitudes about people can be so fixed in the minds of so many? It’s like they’ve been living under a rock while life moved on without them. Attitude awareness requires a commitment to change; to be sincere in efforts to make the world a more inclusive and  better place for those among us disadvantaged by circumstances beyond our control.

The nature of the exchange I had recently was such that the person would be attending at Chez Rockwell to provide services critical to home maintenance. The more the man talked the more uncomfortable I became about just how competent he was and whether I wanted to allow him into my home. I may be totally wrong about his character but first impressions are telling.  My impression of  the gentleman told me is that I couldn’t allow myself to hire him.  I thanked him for taking the time with me and bid him a good day. The second call I made  provided me with exactly what I needed. Words matter.

It’s unfortunate that in 2021, I and so many in like circumstance must do battle with the attitudes others hold about us as a group. Some among us become demoralized and give up; at least for awhile. Others press on  in spite of the misconceptions and ill-chosen words that effectively diminish them human beings. That’s just wrong. There is no getting around it. Words matter.

Not only do I not sound disabled, it’s been said that I don’t sound like a New Brunswicker though I don’t know about that. I’m sure I have that certain ‘tell' that reveals my place/province of birth, though I can say with certainty that one particular NB colloquialism that I’ve never used is ‘some good’ when expounding upon the quality of something, particularly an item of food. By the way, ‘eh’ is not in my vocabulary, either. How did that happen?

It’s a given that we are going to harbour certain views about people; it’s often more related to their socio-economic status and preconceived notions we have about them because of the reality that they have money, the means to enrich their lifestyle at will while so many struggle to meet the demands of basic necessities of life. Those who may not have the financial means do have the wherewithal to improve their lot in other ways and that’s what propels them forward, so that even in spite of challenges to daily living such as physical disability imposes— it’s not going to hold them back and won’t be a deterrent to getting them where they need to be in life. 

Though I don’t sound disabled, how I do sound makes an impact out there in the world. The same is true for anyone as he makes his way through life. 

Polishing our speech so that we more easily fit into the workplace where we conduct business to earn a living is critical to our sustained success. Mimicking the habits of successful people while still embracing what makes us unique allows men and women of any age to find their voice, find their way. We can change the world with our words, no matter how we sound. These times need to change a bit faster if the world is to turn itself around.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Daily engagement is vital to wellness

All around us are people who are of ill health or failing health or living with the knowledge that in a few months they will no longer be with us. Each day is a gift and we all, in our own unique way, have opportunity to share that gift with another, whether for a few minutes, an hour, an afternoon, a day, a few days. Life and all the trappings are tied up in a common thread — choice. Boredom can and does weigh us down so it’s vital we find something, anything, to help keep us engaged and present. For me, it’s a daily dose of online scrabble after I’ve done my daily chores. Then there’s reading and writing. Baking and cooking are givens.

There are so many people who are alone; some by choice, others by circumstance out of their control. We each have a story. As for me, I’ve surrounded myself with things that engage my brain; books and music, old movies, favourite television programs. I don’t ‘allow’ myself to be bored. As I’ve often told people - so long as one can wipe his own butt and breathe without mechanical aid he has no right to plead boredom.  

I suppose having lived a life that was challenged by progressive fatigue associated with aging with cerebral palsy has set me on a path to make decisions that protect my physical body. Living outside the city has impacted my social connectedness but not so much that I lack for interactions with people I can actually see breathing and with whom I may share coffee and cake from time to time. That’s the key  — from time to time. My biggest concern has always been about the emotional welfare of my pets. I’d love to be able to easily and safely take them out for walks, tethered to my mobility scooter, but rural living makes that somewhat prohibitive given the likelihood of coming across an unleashed larger dog with a proclivity to gobble up ‘little bites’. City life is the one for dogs like mine — froo-froo lap dogs toddling along in the park, attached to designer leashes wearing the latest fashion statement canine cape.

Every now and then I express the sentiment that I should get a housemate — not only to defray costs, but also as a level of security. Being on my own at 67, given my ‘compromised’ health status has inherent risks but I don’t fixate on what might happen or what could happen. I go with the flow, from day to day, always having a plan for how to do things and knowing when I shouldn’t go downstairs to put wood in the stove, or knowing when I shouldn’t try to take trash to roadside on collection day. How my body feels and how my legs move function as a gauge with regard to tasks for the day. Certainly it would be nice to have a roommate to share the task loads - doing some things more easily and more quickly than I can. Oh what a relief it would be.

Key to successful home alone living is to establish very early on a routine that satisfies the basic needs and then extends outwards. We who are aging in place with disabling conditions that preclude full participation on a consistent daily basis don’t have to feel ‘less than’ ‘because of’. Rather, we should work at strengthening those skills that enhance the quality of our lives. 

Holidays and all the trappings of frivolity and gift giving often pose significant stress to those who just can’t get into the spirit or feel that their impoverished circumstance make it impossible to be part of the holiday party scene. Persons on fixed incomes, or living on the financial edge day in and day out tend not to look for the silver lining. There is one you know. The silver lining is found when you let go of trying to keep up with the Joneses and allow yourself to just be YOU. 

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca