All around us are people who are of ill health or failing health or living with the knowledge that in a few months they will no longer be with us. Each day is a gift and we all, in our own unique way, have opportunity to share that gift with another, whether for a few minutes, an hour, an afternoon, a day, a few days. Life and all the trappings are tied up in a common thread — choice. Boredom can and does weigh us down so it’s vital we find something, anything, to help keep us engaged and present. For me, it’s a daily dose of online scrabble after I’ve done my daily chores. Then there’s reading and writing. Baking and cooking are givens.
There are so many people who are alone; some by choice, others by circumstance out of their control. We each have a story. As for me, I’ve surrounded myself with things that engage my brain; books and music, old movies, favourite television programs. I don’t ‘allow’ myself to be bored. As I’ve often told people - so long as one can wipe his own butt and breathe without mechanical aid he has no right to plead boredom.
I suppose having lived a life that was challenged by progressive fatigue associated with aging with cerebral palsy has set me on a path to make decisions that protect my physical body. Living outside the city has impacted my social connectedness but not so much that I lack for interactions with people I can actually see breathing and with whom I may share coffee and cake from time to time. That’s the key — from time to time. My biggest concern has always been about the emotional welfare of my pets. I’d love to be able to easily and safely take them out for walks, tethered to my mobility scooter, but rural living makes that somewhat prohibitive given the likelihood of coming across an unleashed larger dog with a proclivity to gobble up ‘little bites’. City life is the one for dogs like mine — froo-froo lap dogs toddling along in the park, attached to designer leashes wearing the latest fashion statement canine cape.
Every now and then I express the sentiment that I should get a housemate — not only to defray costs, but also as a level of security. Being on my own at 67, given my ‘compromised’ health status has inherent risks but I don’t fixate on what might happen or what could happen. I go with the flow, from day to day, always having a plan for how to do things and knowing when I shouldn’t go downstairs to put wood in the stove, or knowing when I shouldn’t try to take trash to roadside on collection day. How my body feels and how my legs move function as a gauge with regard to tasks for the day. Certainly it would be nice to have a roommate to share the task loads - doing some things more easily and more quickly than I can. Oh what a relief it would be.
Key to successful home alone living is to establish very early on a routine that satisfies the basic needs and then extends outwards. We who are aging in place with disabling conditions that preclude full participation on a consistent daily basis don’t have to feel ‘less than’ ‘because of’. Rather, we should work at strengthening those skills that enhance the quality of our lives.
Holidays and all the trappings of frivolity and gift giving often pose significant stress to those who just can’t get into the spirit or feel that their impoverished circumstance make it impossible to be part of the holiday party scene. Persons on fixed incomes, or living on the financial edge day in and day out tend not to look for the silver lining. There is one you know. The silver lining is found when you let go of trying to keep up with the Joneses and allow yourself to just be YOU.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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