As I explore the various issues affecting children and family, I am mindful of the fact that just because I am part of that group that moves in a different way, my forward movement, physically, mentally and emotionally, was no less in need of acknowledgement and support than that of one who is able to move about freely and randomly. The same is true of the child who is disabled by a life of daily chaos with the school hours being his only respite. His forward movement is grossly compromised by circumstances over which he has no control so it is critical that teachers look beyond the ‘bad behaviour’, often a coping mechanism, to examine what is going on behind the scenes. Prejudging is often a fatal flaw.
We are shaped by our childhood experiences and no more is that evident than on the faces of young children as they sit before their first authority figure outside the home — the classroom teacher. A teacher who makes him/herself available to children for conversation after class is over can help set the stage for healing wounds that won’t be revealed unless and until a child feels safe - safe to disclose, safe to talk; safe to tell. Words and actions of teachers will hold a lot of sway.
The reality is that for lots of children, the relationship with that first teacher in a formal setting can make or break the forward movement. Certainly, teachers can’t cater to the quirky needs of a few kids to the exclusion of others; there has to be a balance, which is achieved when a teacher embraces the notion that all children have something to bring to the table and their opinions and feelings must be acknowledged and respected. A teacher who has a finger on the pulse of the classrom can sense changes in the ebbs and flows and see which child might be in crisis. Not acting is not an option. By letting children know they’re welcome to talk allows you to learn the why of behaviour that concerns you as an instructor.
Sometimes, the family dynamic is fractured or damaged and children look to the classroom as that safe place and the teacher as the one who will help them feel valued, feel loved. A kind word goes a long way to healing the hidden hurts of the child who will leave at the dismissal bell to go home to spend the balance of the day in chaos, with lots of screaming and yelling, of name calling, perhaps alcohol-fueled abusive rages. Will there be dinner on the table? Will there be someone to help with the math problems? Will Mom sign the permission slip to go to the museum? Will Dad take time from his work to take his child to hockey practice?
What will the teacher do if that child appears the next morning, wearing the same clothing as the day before, face not washed, hair not combed, homework not done? It’s obvious that the youngster is tired and possibly hungry. Perhaps he didn’t have a meal the night before; something so many of us take for granted. Is it possible he didn’t have breakfast either? Not even an orange, or a bowl of cereal? Food insecurity, nutritional deficiencies and childhood stress impact learning in very significant ways. We need need to be more consistent with what we can do to improve the situation of children in crisis. Teachers can’t be left holding the bag. It’s easy to be an armchair critic or a bench warmer.
All manner of seasonal fund raising efforts are currently underway to ensure that those in need will have a celebratory meal with all the trimmings, that families and their children will have presents under their tree. If they don’t have a tree, I’m sure there are lots of elves lurking about who can make things happen at the stroke of a pen or a phone call or two. Truly, anything is possible if people get together and make it happen.
Children in crisis who are able to develop a bank of good times, of happy experiences, of feeling included and valued will develop the skills to become forward movers. Just as I learned how to walk after a fashion, putting one foot in front of the other, thanks to those who exercised my legs on a daily basis, stressed children can, with sustained supports, thrive and show us who they can be if we believe in them.
Key to successful outcomes is to ensure that the parents or caregiver don’t feel threatened and that their own efforts at childrearing are not criticised. If they could benefit from gentle guidance, whether in the short or long term, a quiet word with a classroom teacher or other trusted adult may be just the thing to propel that struggling parent forward as well. Ultimately, it’s the duty of both parent and teacher to have the child’s needs at the top of the list. The road is long, but it doesn’t have to be lonely.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
