The housing insecure need uplifting

 

Photo: Unsplash

Housing insecurity is not a new thing that’s going away anytime soon. Certain segments of the population by virtue of a life lived on the fringes will always be insecure given limited income reduces their opportunities to have the home of their dreams. For them, it’s a juggling act. One dropped ball could throw their whole existence into panic.

Thankfully, we do have systems in place that offer supports for those needing a hand up. Subsidized housing is one such mechanism but it does have drawbacks, if one can call them that.  As example, a single mother and her minor child live in a 2 bedroom apartment and she receives a sum based on the number of persons in the home. She and her child have lived in the same place for years, receiving a monthly benefit, often financial assistance through Health and Community Services. Once the child ‘ages out’ of the system of government support, Mom may have to move and with that is a reduction in her monthly income. Costs associated with moving may be prohibitive. Then what?  And where will she go?

The term ‘welfare’ conjures up all manner of negative connotations which is unfortunate because no one wants to ‘live on welfare’ as a life goal. It’s demeaning and it’s demoralizing; a punch to the gut especially when the individual may have a health challenge, whether physical, mental or emotional and is not and never will be able to contribute to the labour market in any sustained way. They can, however, contribute in other ways, if given opportunity. 

Those of us who can have a duty to be unbegrudgingly uplifting to those who struggle making dollars stretch to cover housing, food, other household maintenance amenities. There’s little left for discretionary spending and when there’s belt tightening, a single mother will most always meet the needs of her child before her own.

It is not our job to police how those of lesser means spend their money, regardless of where it comes from. In today’s world, television and computer, no longer considered luxury items, are a vital part of education and employment advancement; a significant part of daily life for the majority of us. An internet connected computer is often the way out of a challenging situation, like minimum wage employment that is no longer meeting the financial costs associated with living. 

What all of us can do is advocate for more enriching training programs that are relevant to the times in which we live and will hold the interest of students undertaking to educate themselves to be job ready in situations that allow them to show what they’re really made of. Setting the stage with education and apprenticeship allows participants to get on track to pay their own way, effectively reimbursing the ‘public purse’ that was available to help them when they needed it.                                    

By definition, affordable, with regard to housing/accommodations, is set at 30 percent or less of household income. According to Global News, “a report from a tenant advocacy organization shows that the number of of affordable units in New Brunswick declined rapidly from 2016 to 2021, with the New Brunswick Coalition for Tenants’ Rights releasing a report in early May showing that the number of units priced at $750/month and below and fell by at least 8,600 or 25 percent over a 5 year period. Units available during that time rented for $1,200-$1,499 doubled and those over $1,500 tripled.”

To be caught in the hamster wheel of chasing through each month focused almost exclusively on how to pay for it all is beyond stressful. You and I don’t have to be living in it to know that. Then add a child or two into the mix; small children may share a room, with Mom in the other. Fathers may or may not be involved, or the household’s Mom is actually a Dad playing a dual role. They can’t afford the luxury of wishful thinking when worry about how to put food on the table is foremost in their mind.

Many communities are under-serving those in most need of safe, health, clean and affordable housing for themselves and their families, which often may include the verboten cat or dog. When it comes to pet occupants, size does matter and sometimes concessions can be made if prospective tenants in financial crisis have previously demonstrated that they were respectful of previous home or apartment rentals with their pet in tow.  That respectful care will hold them in good stead if they find themselves in need of new accommodations and hope to include their pet. A person’s housing choices are often attached to the needs of a pet, particularly if the companion animal is the only emotional attachment the individual has in life. 

Prices have taken a huge jump as more and more outside investors are buying up properties with tenants already in place, and immediately doubling or trebling the rent. That practice is forcing people out of the places they’ve called home for years. There doesn’t seem to be much recourse as owners are not in the province and their agent/management staff field all tenant inquiries, sometimes not in a satisfactory way. As more of us become voice for those who feel they won’t be heard, changes will come. Be that person.

There’s health and safety in numbers.

  

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at  Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Social frailty is a community challenge

Photo: Freysteinn G. Jonsson/Unsplash

Social frailty is defined by an inability to safely and smoothly live from day to day with ease, free of physical, emotional, mental and financial burdens. Very often elderly persons with one or more health challenges that impact daily living don’t have the community resources necessary to enrich their lives to relieve the isolation of home alone solitary living.

                                                                                                

Many in my world might consider me socially frail because I don’t move about easily within the community, relying on a few mobility aids, a wheelchair or crutches when spending time in the city for shopping, and a mobility scooter for ‘running the roads’ where I live, just outside, Fredericton, NB. My involvement/presence within the community is, for the most part, functional – to get things done – like health care appointments, grocery shopping, the occasional mall crawling and dog grooming appointments. 

Often, with no close relationships and little or no opportunity to rely on others for help, the socially frail may risk becoming more mired in the muck of isolation. They’re not always active in community groups or religious organizations or live in neighborhoods may not be safe. Here’s the thing, though. Many, if asked, would like to be. Would love to be.

According to a 2014 Japanese study, “men with social frailty were more vulnerable than women to a decline in their psychological function and cognition domains. Therefore, the advanced management of social frailty is necessary to facilitate healthy aging.”

Perhaps a community cooking class for men followed by a shared meal with their dinner date. Activities such as this are ideal ways to opening doors to other community/social opportunities which enhance quality of life.

Closer to home, our aging population, regardless of gender, may benefit from an ongoing daily plan to counter the effects of social frailty. That is not to say that we who are aging need to be looked after/sat with, interacted with on a daily basis. Many people, myself included, are creatures of solitary habits. That’s not a bad thing, but with the passage of time, as more peers are passing away due to implications of illness or old age, it’s important to do wellness checks on those who really are more on their own than is safe, based on medical standards of care.

COVID shone a light on manifold inequalities experienced by the aged and those living with since birth/long term disability and those plagued by bare minimum classroom education and minimum wage work life employment. Being ‘confined to quarters’ was a challenge to millions of people who had a lifetime of being used to coming and going, socially connecting on their own initiative or being included by others, individuals and groups.

Establishing a network of social connectedness goes a long way to reducing social frailty and reducing health care costs. The engaged person is a happier person, a more physically healthy person. It reasons that communities across the country would be well served by stepping up programs and services of outreach to those who are rarely seen or heard from.

Inequalities in health care continue to put the socially frail at risk as they lack the resources to reach out and touch, to coin that popular television advertisement phrase. We who can must do the reaching out. One day we may find ourselves in need of similar networking supports and to fully appreciate what it means while we are young allows us to strategize with like minded men and women in the community to ensure that the ‘least among us’ have their needs met.

Financial stress, transportation problems, concerns about affordable housing are uppermost in the minds of older persons as they get close to the typical retirement age. Are they ready for what that means. Will an often reduced income allow them to continue living in the manner to which they’ve been accustomed?  Having to give up the family home because it’s too expensive is a worry that impacts seniors who never had a solid plan over the decades before they ‘aged into’ the 60s-70s zone. Panic exacerbates dementia, compounding the problem.        

Social frailty is the enemy of many senior, elderly and advanced geriatric men and women, but it doesn’t have to diminish quality of life if systems of support are put in place to cover all the bases. 

Nursing home care is expensive and wait times for beds can be long; some patients actually expire while waiting for admission. Quality of life for the socially frail could be significantly enhanced if community school systems, as example, incorporated studies in home ‘friendly visiting’ care with seniors as part of course credit. Match students with seniors in the community to ensure an enriched mutually beneficial relationships. School boards, school administrators, provincial departments of labour, health and education could collaborate on a range of schemes that engage two populations with different needs and different skills. 

Independent living requires a high degree of mental acuity; from self care, to meal planning and preparing, to home care, pet care and friends care. Inviting people in if you cannot go out is a great way to connect and engage. 

It’s been my experience that being mentally engaged allows the older, isolated person to stave off the angst of home alone living, staying alert and aware -- both tools to ward off dementia. Scrabble, anyone?

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at  Carla MacInnis Rockwell

You can say no, I promise!

 

Almost immediately, as I started ‘penning’ this piece, a tune from a favourite musical popped into my head. Now I can’t get it out; the words of Richard Rodgers as delivered in the production of Oklahoma for both stage and screen resonate.

   “I'm just a girl who cain't say no

   I'm in a terrible fix

   I always say "come on, let's go!"

   Jist when I orta say nix…”

I and others are of similar mind with regard to volunteerism; getting ‘sucked in’ and not being able to say no, or fearing that if we do say no, we won’t be well regarded and that people won’t like us. We should be able to be comfortable saying no without being pressured to alter our position, or have our decision dissected by those seeking our help.

It is, indeed, a pervasive concern for many who do want to be involved but have so much other ‘stuff’ going on in their lives they don’t want to spread themselves too thin.

Not long ago, I had a conversation with a friend who volunteers across a wide platform — church suppers, food bank, various functions at the elementary school where she’s taught for years and now functions within a few hours a week, along with other volunteering in and around where she lives. She’s good at what she does and she enjoys it but she’s agreed that sometimes she does take on too much, not wanting to say no; not wanting to disappoint, etc.

Just because we said no to being available to bake pies for a church supper doesn’t mean we won’t be available to serve at that same supper. The one asking shouldn’t get her knickers in a knot because we said no to one component of the event.

The fellow you had to turn down seeking your help to load winter stove wood shouldn’t be annoyed if he sees you helping another neighbour remove yard debris. 

At the time we said no, we really needed to do so. But when we say yes to another request, especially if the parties know each other, it has potential to create ill will. “Why did he help him but wouldn’t give me a hand?”  Save yourself the stress. Don’t ask. Just accept that our lives take many twists and turns and there was no intent of personal slight. 

Unfortunately, there are some who will immediately feel that they weren’t valued enough to be considered. Others will think that previous behaviour on their part has offended the person they asked for help so it has soured the relationship. All those damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenarios. The bottom line is that we can’t be all things to all people all the time, and sometimes we just need to say no for our own benefit. That is not being selfish. That’s self care.

Sadly,  year after year after year, the same people seeming to be doing it all are YES people when they may want to coast along in the NO lane. If they say no, they fear the whole process of organising that church supper will fall apart.  That the school play just can’t get along without them.

What seems to be overlooked by so many others is that they enjoy all the benefits of those church suppers, and fall fairs, and craft shows without much thought to how it all comes together? There are no gremlins or dancing bears scampering around in the middle of the night  making pies and soups and salads and setting up tables. Real live men and women are doing it — the same real live men and women, year after year. They’re tired. Some of them are in their mid 80s. Did you know that? 

While you were helping yourself to another roll and pat of butter at the table in the church hall enjoying a roast beef dinner, did you know that a 74 year old woman in the kitchen at the sink doing dishes was having chest pain? She’s okay, but maybe one of you 40 year olds could step in and do your part. Become a volunteer — for the next 30 years! Invite your children and a few of your friends to join you. Show them that caring about your community means giving to your community. According to a dog training book I read years ago, nothing in life is free. The same is true for us humans. When we receive, we must be aware that giving, though not expected, is a reward in itself. 

Summer outings and gatherings will soon be in full swing, so now’s your chance to find your niche. COVID fears are still present for many and being a good neighbour, especially to those whose situations isolate them from community is the perfect way to reach out. Older men and women who had to limit their participation still have talents to share. Call them. Drop in for a meet and greet. They can be included in other ways.

The COVID experience, across the province and across the country, has opened our eyes to huge gaps in care with regard to service provision to those who are less able, less physically and financially healthy. 

In crack filling with our service, we actually reduce stressors across the board, fostering inclusion. Always a good thing.

 Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Talents and tenacity

 

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant. [Homer]

    Did my adversity, or what I call a life challenge, plant the seeds of my talents, of my tenacity to press on in spite of? As I look back on my life and reflect upon where I started and how far I’ve come, I have to say yes, my limitations to physical mobility did, most assuredly, develop my talents. 

    I have a talent for writing among other things. That particular gift has allowed me to take on the role of mentor, both in person, early in my growing up and work life and later on, as I move to the online world to share what I know about life and living with disability. 

    Certainly, as to the writer me, genetics played a role; my father had the gift of words, as did his late brother.  Both physicians, my uncle went on to have a successful 2nd career as a newspaper columnist offering medical advice. His columns were later developed into a book. Lucky me! I have a signed copy. He and my father would be pleased to know that I’ve found a niche online, particularly since aging with cerebral palsy has impacted my ability to move about easily and freely in the day to day, touchy feely world.

    In today’s internet connected world that links us together in ways that we never could have imagined 20 or 30 years ago, we have opportunity explore many avenues of interest at the same time, shifting from one computer screen to another; taking it all in, like a greedy puppy.

    With all the technological advancements that enhance learning opportunities, why do so many still struggle? Talent and tenacity isn’t always enough. And so enters mentoring. Someone who believes in what you can do and is willing to share what they’ve learned on their own journey so that yours may be easier. 

    Simply put, many students, young or old, rely on people power to enrich their learning process.  Joining with one or two, three or four people not only allows for sharing ideas to organize thoughtful study, it’s a way to network to establish other relationships that may be more social in nature. Aligning with another who’s been there, done that is one of the best ways to ensure that what you’re diving into is going to stick. Social interactions are critical to development, from cradle to grave. 

Mentoring men and women of any age who need a guiding hand is a way that those who have talents to share are able to do so with the knowledge that they are lifting up others to a more level playing field. That is always a good thing. The beauty of it is that, over time, there’s a reciprocity as students become teachers and coach others in skills needed to advance in school or in the workplace.

Families living on the financial fringes trying to raise children through the various ages and stages of development and education very often struggle with the cost of it all. Joining forces with a mentor or two is a way for them to keep up with less physical and emotional strain, which is so draining on a family’s resources in the long term and makes the jobs of Mom and Dad more challenging.

Mentoring has no specific age requirement but it reasons that many toddlers aren’t quite up to the challenge, though some would have a go at teaching a playmate how to make a peanut butter sandwich. 

Children who come into the world with any sort of impediment or challenge to daily living and inclusion, however developed, have to be guided carefully if an intact intellect is present so that they can become students, however adept, of a range of disciplines, whether it’s colouring, weaving, learning to type, telling stories. The processes of ‘getting there’ are unique to the individual and teachers must step back, wait and watch to see what happens. 

Within a group of youngsters, there will be one or two or three who will quite naturally step into the role of mentor. Let them. That’s their own learning at work. All manner of skills are learned in an environment that’s not particularly structured. That, alone, makes the steps more easily remembered and put into action the next time. 

Children with disability are presented with many opportunities for inclusion that are compatible with their situations so that they are able to experience even a modicum of success without fear of failure. Feelings of insecurity often weigh particularly heavily on children who struggle to find their place in a peer group; for some, who have the gift of language, mentoring becomes easier as confidence grows. Leading reading groups is often a great place to start. Teachers and other adults in their world should encourage after school reading circles. It’s a great way to expand social circles outside of the classroom and it takes the pressure off the struggling reader as he expands his portfolio of talents. Talents that will carry him through his academic career and beyond. Community theatre is another avenue that children with challenges can explore. 

So many opportunities are available today that weren’t even thought of when I was in grade school; even in smaller communities there are endless opportunities to explore ourselves from the inside out. According to Shakespeare, “all the world’s a stage.”

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Sustaining friendship creates community

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. [Wilson Mizner]

Friendships take many forms and can span decades, from cradle to grave in some cases, when youngsters were born in the same town, where parents were friends and actively involved in all aspects of community life. It reasoned that children would go with that flow of familial connectedness and share in common interests and goals very early in their lives. Those social connections were the melting pot into which various ingredients were poured that determined the path youngsters would take as they grew into themselves. 

Twists and turns in life are inevitable; they’re all part of the learning process that allows us to find our place and accept that what we contribute is valuable and what we take away is often more valuable. We all are works in progress. Growth is accelerated when children work together and begin to realize that their contribution matters. Knowing that gives them staying power to hang in and fight the good fight; there are younger children on the sidelines watching them. It won’t be long before those new voices are heard. Teaching and learning isn’t just an adult in a classroom directing the traffic of education. Teachers help children acquire the tools to be a friend and to have friends. That’s a vital piece of the fabric of that shared experience of grade school education. Further education at the post-secondary level or jumping right into work life are other avenues of developing friendships with a broad range of people with both shared interests and those yet to be explored. To coin an oft-used phrase – it’s not the quantity of friends but the quality of friends that provides the framework upon which we build our own lives with our own families.

Our first friends are our siblings. Our parents aren’t supposed to be our friends though many adults lay claim to that sort of relationship with their children. Call me an old poop, but a parent is a parent; a teacher, a guide, an example.

Growing up with 7 siblings, and the closeness in age among some, friends and other connections were shared. Sports was a common thread along which friendships were formed and sustained. I didn’t have the same grade school experience as my siblings with regard to friendship development given my awkward mobility. Friendships found their way into my world when I began university and the playing field was more level by virtue of there being other students with disability present and visible. I didn’t have that experience when I was in grade school.

I like to be that friend who comes through in a crisis and it’s gratifying to know that it will be reciprocated when needs arise. It’s important for us to nurture friendships, however infrequently, though time and distance may impact ‘quality togetherness’. Internet communication lends itself well to filling in the gaps until in person meetings are available. COVID restrictions are lifted and summer travel will be in full swing and with that a rejuvenation of friendship connections that were put on the back burner. Some didn’t survive. That’s not a bad thing, though. Sometimes, people’s interests change, diverge. 

A true friend gives support without judgment, comes through in a crisis and knows just the right thing to say when it matters most. Friendships are an essential ingredient in a happy life, so it’s time to give them the care and attention they deserve. When they flounder and fail, do we blame others, or do we take time to reflect on what we could or should have done better to sustain the connection?

Family relationships often come with a dose of guilt and obligation. Friends, on the other hand, are the antidote to the burdens of daily life.

With family, we sometimes feel that we have to do this or that and feel put upon when the demands of elderly parents or an unwell sibling impinges on our ‘quality time’. In the best of circumstances, life isn’t always fair, so we have an obligation to ourselves to pause and assess what it is that we can do on a daily basis, a weekly basis, or whatever basis, to improve the circumstance of someone in our familial world who is struggling. Have multiple siblings, aunts, uncles, and others allows us to share the rota.

As is the way of the world and life, people become more focused on certain connections as they age into a new phase of their lives. Midlifers and those near retirement tend to make plans to care for an aging or elderly parent; perhaps having Mom and Dad move from the family home of their childhood into their home as a grown up, married adult with a growing family. A whole new series of connections are made that allow for different blends of friends. Always a good thing.

Though one may be inclined to feel mad or sad when a friendship weakens over time or simply ends, don’t be distressed. Unless one of the parties did something truly offensive, drifting away and apart is sometimes a natural progression that allows us to explore other streams of connectedness. There’s still room to care and share with new people who come into our lives. Be open to embracing a different journey. Expanding our social circle is good for emotional and physical health.

Try it, you’ll like it.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at  Carla MacInnis Rockwell

What's in your medicine cabinet?

 

Photo: Unsplash

The older I get, the more I appreciate that it is I who is ‘driving the bus’ with regard to how my health/medical care goes. My doctor accepts that, as I age with  since birth spastic diplegic cerebral palsy, I must be doing many things right given I’m not frequent flier with regard to ER visits and hospital admissions. I stay well clear of both and I credit my diligence within the parameters of ‘I am what I eat’ protocols, in place for decades.

  I’ll be 69 in few months;  that I am still upright mobile and independently living is an anomaly in rehab medicine devoted to the treatment and study of cerebral palsy and the aging process. The stage was set for this positive status within the first two years of my life when I was exercised, exercised, exercised. Thanks, Mom (and sometimes Dad, and a few older siblings).

According to the Canadian Institute for Health Information, “on average, seniors use more drugs than any other age group in Canada. This release describes the number and most common types of drugs prescribed to seniors (including those living in long-term care settings) between 2017 and 2021 by sex, age, neighbourhood income and geographic location.”

Think about that for a moment. 

Then there’s this, from Hospital News, Canada’s health care news and best practices:  “one in four Canadian seniors on 10 or more prescription drugs.” Ten or more! If that’s not an OMG moment, I don’t know what is!

Instead of a medicine cabinet full of prescription drugs, I have a vast storehouse of information, decades in the making, with regard to health and wellness, aging safely and well with disability, and the role lifestyle, notably nutrition, plays in outcomes. To learn that most Canadian seniors take 10 script drugs daily is worrisome to say the least. How often does their treating physician call them in for a drugs review? How many are still taking drugs for conditions that have long since resolved? How many doctors are still prescribing long after the drug is no longer indicated because a patient asked for it?  Drug seeking and doctor shopping amongst the senior set is not new, though today’s climate makes it challenging to find a family physician. The province is crying for care. 

I care for myself by opting to supplement, given that persons with neurological insults such as cerebral palsy absorb nutrients far more rapidly than the able-bodied. I've been taking several supplements recommended to support aging well with cerebral palsy. Notable among them is zinc, C, D, magnesium and B12. B12 is indicated for brain health and often prescribed if there is a familial history of stroke. Post-stroke it's been demonstrated to heal the brain. There’s not much in the literature with regard to longevity amongst persons with cerebral palsy, regardless of type, but it’s reasonable to say that the less medicated we are, the healthier we will be.

As with all things, consult with your treating physician before undertaking a course of supplements. The 'normal' body sans pre-existing condition may get sufficient vitamins and minerals from daily diet. We who are neurologically insulted often do not.

  Sadly, a lot of people take prescription meds to ‘treat’ conditions that no longer exist; from a medical/health perspective that is potentially dangerous. What drives the practice of prescribing without real cause? It may set the stage of addiction which could be a deadly path. Opioid addiction amongst seniors is growing. 

New Brunswick has a significant block of senior, elderly and advanced geriatrics, with many living alone, in an isolation which has been exacerbated by COVID. Fear-driven seclusion is now part of the landscape.  What can be done to break the bonds of this ‘held hostage’ mentality? Community companionship may well be the ‘drug of choice’ that keeps on giving without the hangover effect. Loneliness may be the single-most debilitating condition that has potential to cause illness and disease than any of the ‘usual suspects’.

Genetics and lifestyle significantly contribute to how one ages; I’m testament to that. Genetics wreaked havoc in my family with two siblings succumbing to implications and complications of Rheumatoid Arthritis. 

Since my late teens, I’ve plodded along with fibromyalgia, though confirmed diagnosis came decades later when a treating physiatrist felt that presenting symptoms suggested I had, in fact, lived with ‘fibro’ long before ‘official’ diagnosis was named, given that it mimics other conditions, particularly those in the arthritis family, though it is not an auto-immune disease; inflammation is not a feature. Interestingly, it’s frequently found in women aging with cerebral palsy, regardless of type. I had actually read about it in one of Dad’s old medical books, devoted to women’s health, published in the 1930s. So as a ‘dis’ease/condition, fibromyalgia has been around for some time. Sadly, it’s been called the ‘all in your head’ condition, dismissed by clinicians who should be more thoughtful when exchanging with a patient who is obviously in pain and stress. ‘Doing’ good medicine and ‘practicing’ are not synonymous.

Post-COVID, many clinicians have returned to in-clinic practice with protocols of mask wearing and social distancing still in place, others have opted for telephone consults only, and anything that is emergent has follow up at hospital. 

DOING at home on a daily basis is key to wellness.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Character education has a place in school

Coming out of COVID lock-down has forever changed the landscape with regard to how we conduct ourselves within the community; from how things now function within the school systems, within the workplace and in public gathering places. To ensure health and wellness of all, it’s vital that men, women, boys and girls embrace being a ‘WE’ people. Some of us are disadvantaged by circumstances beyond our control and sometimes need a hand up. 

According to William Ellery Channing, a Rhode Island born Unitarian preacher, “the home is the chief school of human virtues.”

Not a day goes by that we don’t read or hear about some ‘wronged’ person, adult or child,  going on a rampage, armed with assault weapons, randomly shooting moving targets who are running for their lives. Clearly, all is not well in their world for them to explode their rage in a hail of bullets.

Parenting children today is no easy task, with the push and pull of almost every facet of daily life contributing to elevated stress levels — children want what they want — NOW.  Some parents tend to give in rather than have conversations about the value of patience and behaving in acceptable ways to ‘earn’ the object/toy of their desire. They need help. 

I recall, many years ago, making my way through parenting a young school-age stepson, venturing into not totally uncharted territory as I was used to being around youngsters. He was not an easy child, a combination of temperament and circumstance, so I decided that a way to reach him would be through reading together. All manner of books became part of his childhood library. Among them Joy Berry’s series, Let’s Talk About, with each book focusing on a single topic and includes cartoon illustrations and relatable situations. Though designed for pre-schoolers, they were appropriate for my stepson given his situation. The Let’s Talk About books help children identify, understand and learn how to handle their new feelings. It was my hope that my stepson would adjust and grow into this new, blended family. Alas, that was not to be. His needs were far greater than my abilities to meet them. Now an adult, he still hasn’t fully found his feet.

That is why I am a strong advocate of early intervention for children with special needs, unique circumstances and different learning styles, with adults in their world who just don’t seem to get them. That being so, I also believe that virtues/moral values should to be taught in school. They need be taught in school. 

In Ontario Catholic schools, as example, they have what is called graduation expectations. It’s not about advancing the doctrine of a particular religion; rather it’s about developing in students a skill set that readies them for their place in their community as full-time, ongoing contributors. Students must meet a specific set of goals/requirements in order to graduate; to me, it’s ideal in theory and in practice. In fact, we could use it in our schools — I’m sure parents and teachers would welcome it. Several of the goals include: an effective communicator; a reflective, creative and holistic thinker; a self-directed, responsible, lifelong learner; a collaborative contributor; a caring family member; and, a responsible citizen. Each goal has various individual components which guide behaviour and learning.

Children who are not getting enough constructive conversation in the home, for whatever reason, need access to it in school — the one place where they rely on other adults to help them when they need it. Success in life isn’t just about reading and writing, language arts and maths. One must have the basics of kindness, of caring and sharing, if they are to achieve favourable outcomes in other aspects of life.                                           

I don’t think I’d be too far off the mark when I say that, if each school day, in each classroom started with “Good morning, how are you feeling this morning? John, you go first,” teachers would soon realize there is a need and they have an opportunity to fill it. Invite students to share but remind them that others need to have a turn. If there’s not enough time to get to everyone, invite them to stay after school for more conversation. Invite colleagues to participate and explore plans for making these discussions a part of daily interactions with students.  Such exchanges could potentially save lives as they allow teachers to see who’s struggling with situations beyond what would be expected. Stabilize the feelings and the learning takes flight.

Character/morals education is not some outdated concept that has no place in school curriculum. It has a very important place in the education of our children if they are to succeed in life. Building character in children also involves including them in the community so that they come to know that what they have to say and how they feel is important. 

Morals education is like growing a vegetable garden. The seeds are planted and watered and as ideas flourish and feelings mature, the weeds are pulled away. Imagine if students developed their own real-time gardens and watched them grow. Carrots and conversation go well together.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell