December 17, 2018
Bullying continues to pose risk to both the bullied and the bully and it’s no stretch to say that the immediacy of the internet and the gratification it provides is cause for alarm. “Am I pretty enough?” “Am I smart enough?” “Oh, look, I got a new dress. I must post a pic of it so all my Facebook friends may admire it.” If you don’t register enough ‘likes’, you’re at risk of being bullied. Sad but true.
What happens once the rush, the thrill is gone? Many of us who grew up in vastly different, less stressful times have thoughts on how to curb bullying. Unplug! Have real, meaningful conversations with your children and grandchildren about the impact of bullying. Teachers have opportunity to open the door wide to dialogue about how bullying is affecting the students who are in their care for several hours each day, 5 days a week. Conversation is cathartic.
While developing this commentary, I chatted with one of my childhood friends, Nancy (Giberson) Everett, a long-time teacher in Stanley. Her youngest son, Jesse, now 30, lives with challenges to daily living; both Jesse and I were diagnosed with cerebral palsy as youngsters but neither of us fully fits the profile; ours were ‘umbrella’ diagnoses.
“Jesse was so fortunate to have older siblings who would have beaten the living crap out of anyone who hurt him in any way; a best friend in high school, David Sparkes, ate lunch with him and sat beside him in all his classes. Also, because Jesse was with the same group of kids forever, they were just ‘used’ to him.” Nancy goes on to say that “ a supply teacher at the school who graduated with Jesse said recently that she didn't really ever think of Jesse as having a disability when he was in school.”
Nancy went on to reminisce about our own childhood to say — “I think that is how I saw you as my neighbour friend; you were a girl who I could play with and spend time with instead of boys all the time. I never thought of you as having any sort of disability — we just figured out ways that we could do stuff together without the boys. Looking back, I didn’t see you as having a disability; I remember playing with your Barbies, bike rides to the drugstore, skipping in the yard. Those are the memories I have.”
As for myself, I remember Nancy teaching me how to skip rope, my knees banging together with each tiny jump off the ground. Bruised knees featured prominently in my childhood.
Our mothers had occasion to supply teach in our local schools so we had to be on good behaviour; that’s just how it was. In primary and elementary, I was the only girl with mobility challenges; an older boy who attended the Catholic Church, as my family did, lived with a polio-like condition that featured intellectual delays. He would drop in to school from time to time for
the socialization. There were other older high school students who lived with disability but there was never a hint of bullying. We were a part of the community and that’s the way it was.
In grade 12, according to his Dad, “Jesse was in the Coop class with another dozen students, assigned to do his placement at the Nashwaak Villa assisting the Activities Director. After graduation, we approached Jobs Unlimited to see what they could offer Jesse. They took him under their wing and continued his placement at the Villa. Jobs Unlimited hired someone to work with Jesse for a few months, assisting him with routines, and other skills. Currently, Jesse gets a few days each month working at the facility and is a much loved part of the elder care support team. And best of all, Jesse loves his time at the Villa.”
I’m pleased to know that Jesse is doing so well, as he gets on with living in spite of challenges. When I read that he was nominated for the Planetree Scholar Award and flew to Boston in October to accept it, I was so pleased for him and for his family. His father proudly shared that, in 2015, Jesse was honored by the Third Age Centre with the "George Wakeling Award Honourable Mention" for his volunteerism at the Villa.
Jesse is an example of a young man who wasn’t a bully target in school. How adults in their world handle things from the outset determine the smoothness of the path, as young people with challenges move through the milestones of their lives. Jesse, with a supportive network of family and friends, had all the ducks lined up from the moment he ventured out into the world.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
Good article!
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