The recent story about Amanda Hoyt and her son who lives with autism got my attention, particularly when I read at how shabbily her child was treated while on an mall outing with a respite worker. The boy had a ‘meltdown’ that lasted for over an hour and it was videotaped by teenage girls. Did they forget to engage their brains? Did their parents fail to teach them about compassion? Those lessons are often learned when a child first starts ambulating and communicating. Clearly, those young women had too much time on their hands and should be ashamed of themselves. Alas, that would require an engaged moral compass. Yup, I’m annoyed!
The stressors of parenting or being a sibling to a child with challenges impacts on everyone within the family dynamic and can range from very mild, to the stage where one becomes physically ill. With the traditional role of women changing over the decades, there remains constant a mother’s love for her child, and it is often the mother who is the primary care giver; she is the go-to for all the day to day happenings in her child’s world. Amanda is that person for her son.
Amanda Hoyt’s hope for a calm outing for her child so that she could enjoy some alone/decompressing time was blown to smithereens because of the thoughtlessness of those who should know better.
What about the people who stood by and watched the scene unfold; probably parents themselves, pointing and sniggering. Both easy to do with no thought given to consequences, at least not for themselves. They got what they wanted - a laugh at the expense of a child. A point and stare at the expense of a caregiver. The child got more stress; his caregiver got more stress.
When respite comes, the mother or father or other caregiver can only hope their own quality time will not be weighted down with wondering how their child is doing, off somewhere else with someone else, such as Amanda’s son was.
The individuals who videotaped Amanda’s child and invaded his personal space, and the people who pointed and stared and offered comment about what a bad mother Amanda must be or why the child cannot be controlled should be ashamed of themselves. In addition to having no idea about how stressful it is to raise a child with challenge, they also demonstrated a common trait amongst them - they’re bullies.
I wholeheartedly agree with Ms. Hoyt’s assertion that her child is not a freak show and she has every right to be a harsh critic of those who victimized her child with their unfounded comments and totally inappropriate glaring. Recording the scene was totally out of line, only escalating the stress for a child in crisis, not to mention what it did to the adult caregiver trying to defuse the situation.
I speak from experience when I say that being stared at while struggling to walk without stumbling, climbing up steps where there was no railing and hearing people whisper about my own mother as we made our way on the streets and into shops in Fredericton back in the late 50s and 60s had impact. I felt the stress. My mother felt the stress.
Growing up in small town New Brunswick from the late 50s through the early 70s, it was sink or swim with no mainstreaming. I survived. As an adult, I continue to be victimized by all manner of people who failed to look beyond their own prejuidices. When out and about, whomever I’m with is often asked what I want. I’m spoken to in a manner that suggests I’m deaf and intellectually lagged. Disrespectful!
Asking whether I’m related to so and so - ‘he’s in a wheelchair, too,’ continues to amuse me. The kicker, though, was several years ago during a mall outing when I met a fellow wheelchair user, then a student at STU. A couple of old ladies approached and asked if we were sisters!
As a mother, Amanda has to cope with how people treat her son. His level of awareness aside, he does know when people are staring at him. Just stop it!
I, as still uprightly mobile old gal aging with cerebral palsy know full well when folks are pointing and sniggering. It happens less when I’m in my chair than using crutches as the latter is very visually awkward to watch.
Regardless, no one should be abusing another with such a display as was demonstrated by the teenage girls victimizing Amanda Hoyt’s son. If they boast about their exploits and are still under parental control, perhaps the adults in the room will do the right thing. Take that cellphone away!
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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