“N.B.-born Dad beams with pride as son wins gold,” was the message delivered in the headline of a recent Brunswick News story about the Olympics. A father’s pride at his son’s accomplishment is a most shareworthy and noteworthy sentiment; as Canadians and as New Brunswickers we can own it, too. That was my thinking.
Apparently, my view was not shared by a few who posted comments about the article, immediately picking it apart and resorting to name calling of fellow posters. Why is that? What did they accomplish by being nasty? Is that their immediate ‘go-to’ when they don’t agree with something? Do they have children? Grandchildren? Are those young people witness to such bullying behaviour?
I then wondered if they conducted themselves in a similar fashion in the workplace, berating colleagues without a single thought to consequences. Are they the ones at a restaurant who loudly criticize wait staff for delivering a cold meal? Were they the parents at youth hockey swearing at coaches and berating their own child who was trying his best to play a game he loved? How long will he love it with a parent who will never be satisfied?
Are any of the authors of those unnecessary comments also motorists who experience bouts of road rage when things aren’t going as they want them to? Bullying behaviour does have consequences. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But just you wait!
Just you wait until you get a call from your third grader’s teacher to inform you that you must attend a meeting about ‘an incident’. Your child pushed another so hard that he fell and struck his head, knocked out cold.
The bullying parent may immediately seek to blame the other child for upsetting his own, failing to see that the aggressive behaviour was observed/learned somewhere, somehow. A youngster constantly exposed to bullying behaviour in the home is bound to carry it into his daily interactions, in the classroom, on the playground at recess, at the park, within organised sports like hockey and soccer. When consequences come, the child bully is caught off guard, not expecting to be benched, sent home, or suspended from school.
Allowed to continue, yes, allowed, the behaviour reaches the point where the child is a teenager and appears before youth court for vandalism. Is the parent present, muttering under his/her breath about how unfairly their child is being treated?
In recent weeks, the news consuming public was witness to supposed grown-ups bullying teenagers in the wake of the Florida school shooting. My first thought was “how dare they!” Those politicians and newscasters and others going after young people with their venomous rhetoric clearly failed the quality control test for compassion. What seems to be lost on them, if they are parents, is that their children are up close and personal with such abusive behaviour. That alone should be enough of a wake-up call for them to cease and desist. Who are they going to blame five, ten, fifteen years down the road when their little darling gets him/herself into all manner of trouble?
The young people who recently gathered together in Washington and elsewhere at rallies to draw attention to the need for stricter gun control are our future leaders. Those currently in power need to pay attention and get real. When I read and about certain newscasters and others berating them and their efforts, I was stunned. The half-baked apology issued by one is just that — half-baked. It’s meaningless given she only apologised to get herself out of a jam; too little, too late.
Bullying goes online with some parents actually stalking young people perceived to have maligned their own child in some way. It involves saying mean things, putting unflattering graffiti on someone’s social wall or sharing pictures with others of a person in compromising situations. Indeed, cyberbullying is such a problem that there was a case in which an adult woman harassed a teenager so much that the child went into depression and committed suicide.
Parents who bully may try to control their children’s online presence by being nasty to youngsters in their child’s social network, then it spirals into a free-for-all with parents attacking parents. One, two, then three red flags!
The time has come for parents to consider unplugging themselves and their children and getting reacquainted as a family. While listening and hearing, have a conversation about bullying and what it really means. Parents and children may learn things about each other that will strengthen their relationships going forward.
The time has come for parents to consider unplugging themselves and their children and getting reacquainted as a family. While listening and hearing, have a conversation about bullying and what it really means. Parents and children may learn things about each other that will strengthen their relationships going forward.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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