Some weeks ago, as I was reading about Britain’s Prime Minister Theresa May’s appointment of a ‘minister of loneliness’, my thoughts were drawn back to an event from my past in which I and young man from the UK became part of an ‘international incident’ over a game of scrabble.
John Elliot, age 24 in 1997 and living with spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy, was involved in a lively round of the popular word game with me when he had a muscle spasm and was flung forward out of his wheelchair, striking his head and becoming unconscious. A mad scramble to get him help ensued in what became our “15 minutes of fame” as media outlets in Canada, the US and the UK picked up the story.
On more than one occasion I had advised John to secure his lap harness to avoid the very thing that caused his tumble while we were in game. We, he and I, and others in like circumstance, can’t know when our brain is going to hiccup and cause us to go into spasm. It’s for that reason that, because I still walk, aging with spastic diplegic cerebral palsy, I turn the phone ringer off when I’m on the move. Startling sounds can cause a loss of balance. Safety first!
In 1997, John Elliot lived alone and the internet, with its Internet Relay Chat and other such tools of text-based communication, were his connection to social interaction as he wasn’t able to readily get out and about in his "real" life. John was not alone in using the Internet for such a purpose. Sadly, for some, it is their only connection with human beings. People never to be met in person so there’ll never be opportunities for up close and personal exchanges over a coffee or a meal.
Appointment of a Minister of Loneliness makes a lot of sense but only if there’s follow through on developing and maintaining various programs of care and assistance to those who are in most need. Our province would benefit from such an intervention on behalf of the often disenfranchised such as many persons with disability and the elderly are.
Did the Internet save John's life, as many suggest it did? John was in no immediate physical danger as it turned out, but the fact that he was alone and suffered a shock to his system was frightening enough. The tools that were used to stay connected to John and get him the help he needed are tools that more and more persons with disability are using today to keep them connected. But there needs to be more. Community leaders must become more proactive and work to develop mechanisms that connect the isolated to the community.
Certainly the internet provides a link to humans, but there needs to be a link to humanity and humaneness up close and personal in the form of people we can actually see breathing; people with whom we may share a meal or a movie, or a drive in the country. The socially isolated need all of those things, every now and then, to stay physically healthy, to stay mentally healthy and engaged. To stay involved in life and living.
Over the past few decades, I’ve read copious literature about the cause and effect of isolation amongst infants, youngsters and older children with disability, with children in care experience varying degrees of failure to thrive; some actually die. Parents who adopt such deprived children have a tough road ahead. They, too, could benefit from a Minister of Loneliness.
More and more, people are experiencing periods of isolation with far more frequency. Sadly, those living right under their noses, the neighbour across the street, the neighbour next door, the neighbour two houses away may have no idea. Would it make a difference if they did? I should like to think it would. I should like to think that if Mr. Jones realised that Mrs. Baker hadn’t been out to the store in a month, he’d step in and offer a helping hand.
Imagine going weeks without contact with anyone. Think about what that deficiency in your world would mean to you. It’s not just the elderly or disabled who are lonely. Very often, their caregivers are isolated, too. Caregiving is not easy and people who take on that role are often same age-spouses/partners, close in age siblings, or elderly parents of disabled adult children. The numbers are growing and the needs are many and they aren’t going away. Loneliness affects every facet of one’s being and as much as one may try to minimize its impact in their lives, there is no denying that being lonely can and does make us sick.
Lives can change by reconnecting people, both young and old, with their communities which concurrently improves their overall health through more sustained interactions with others. So you see, what goes around really does come around.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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