It's true! We have a somewhat narrow view of what 'disabled' and 'disability' mean. Every day, young and old are 'made' disabled by attitudes about them and the why, the what and the how of their lives. Being fearful can be soul crushingly disabling.
Part of the problem with the word 'disabilities' according to Fred Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood fame, is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted.
His words resonate: “But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.”
For many decades as I’ve expanded my writing portfolio, I have often referred to WE people and ME people. I recently read an article about that very notion with thoughts from marriage and family therapist, Terrence Real, who opines that “a toxic focus on individualism has led to an extreme disconnection from one another in our interpersonal relationships.” COVID confinement has made many more ME driven people; self-preservation kicks in big time – even the vaccinated can get COVID. Being a WE people will redirect their energies. Less focus on self makes us stronger as we take time to look around, observing that there are lots of folks whose challenges are far greater. Helping them helps us.
Often overlooked are those with a range of hidden disabilities that never get talked about; never get the attention they deserve so that those who suffer in silence can get the help they need, whether in a clinical setting with a therapist or within the community, joining a group of people who, over time, will become their friends. A few within that group will become their ‘go to’ person when they need to share how they feel.
Long before COVID packed us up into our homes, if we were fortunate enough to have one, there was a simmering misconception about people who are different. Their isolation wasn’t just rooted in COVID lock-down. For many, living on the fringes has been lifelong and it took COVID to soundly lock them into their letterbox lives.
In the words of Mr. Rogers, “You are a very special person. There is only one just like you. There’s never been anyone exactly like you in the history of the earth, and there never will be again. And people can like you just because you’re you.”
Keeping that in mind, it’s vital that we be aware of our words when we speak about disability and what it means to be ‘disabled by’. Hidden disability plague millions, from the very young to the very old, and the impact of something we might view as insignificant, social awkwardness, for example, can encroach many aspects of daily life to the point of paralyzing the person trying to cope with such a condition. We can become conduits to better coping for those in need.
It won’t be long until students return to school, with many youngsters taking their first steps on the path of scholarly pursuits. Among them will be students who are painfully shy, to the point of becoming physically or emotionally unwell at the very thought of having to interact in a room full of people. Their pain is real. To ensure that it doesn’t become a life-long disability, educators are encouraged to listen, to hear, to pay attention to subtle cues that it’s time to step back. Don’t let your own prejudice become your disability.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell
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