In the words of the Belgian poet, May Sarton “loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.”
COVID has taken so much life and living away from millions across the globe, being especially impactful on the very young and the very old; men, women and children who fall into pockets of society where those compromised by ongoing illness, disease or condition that diminishes access to inclusion in life’s daily activities are living. Very often, they are the most at risk due to inherent stressors of their circumstance.
As we approach the holiday season and all that entails, the lonely are even more mired down in their often demoralized lives. The financially fragile struggle to make ends meet and to keep up the wants of children in their care who are influenced by the Madison Avenue machine and the televised hype targeting them. Spending on gifts may not be an option and many will isolate themselves as a way to cope with what they no longer have; for lots of people, they’ve never had that spend-ability as every penny goes to costs of daily living. Added to the ranks are those, due to COVID ’s assault on the economy, who’ve lost jobs or abandoned jobs. Families with young children are caught in the cross-hairs on a daily basis, having to juggle almost every minute of the day to make sure they can get it all done. Reality tells us that’s not possible as is evidenced by the demand for more paediatric mental health counsellors and clinicians working with seniors and geriatric populations who are falling further down the rabbit hole.
Solitude is enjoyed by those like me who made the decision early on that being on their own is not always a bad thing or a wrong thing as they adjusted their life compass, adapting to being alone; folks such as I whose lives have been challenged by compromised health or certain disabilities that preclude full inclusion into daily living in the ‘out and about’ world develop such skills very early on. I’ve spent decades creating a ‘comfort space’ for myself, realizing early that there would always be things I could never do by virtue of living of cerebral palsy. There are other things.
As frustrating as that has been over the years, I’ve managed to press on; being angry or fixating on what one doesn’t have is a fool’s game, wasting valuable time that could be spent engaged in the purposeful and the enjoyable. Taking time to explore opportunities may reveal options you never thought about; your major wow moment. Solitude is not about not wanting to be with other people. It’s about being with yourself.
We’ve been ‘confined to quarters’ as the COVID virus spreads, out of control in so many places because naysayers are defying science and the law to make a statement about personal freedom and choice and not getting vaccinated. Their defiance puts people in their immediate circle at significant risk. As well, their oppositional posture is contributing to the loneliness of the most vulnerable among us and that is not acceptable. It will never be acceptable. No one consciously chooses loneliness as the way it’s going to be in their world. There are many things over which we have no control and COVID is one of them. Here’s the thing — each and every one of us, across the globe, is in the same boat. What’s disheartening is that far too many ME people are making life far more challenging for the rest.
Loneliness is viewed as a negative state marked by a sense of isolation and disconnect from community with a feeling that something is missing. As COVID restrictions spread out across many countries around the world, people who functioned well in solitude found themselves experiencing a kind of stress like no other. It’s pushed them into a state of feeling lonely; access to close friends has been diminished. With acute loneliness one may feel isolated whether they’re surround by others or not. Negative feelings of self-doubt and self-worth begin to weigh on them. Civil discourse has fallen by the wayside and it has to stop. You can help. Be a good neighbour.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, the boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell
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