In plumbing and in life, we have the tools to fix what is broken

Photo: Flickr/Erich Ferdinand

           What is it with me and plumbing fixtures? My first plumbing disaster months ago was with a toilet. In an effort to clear calcium deposit in the outlet, I tapped with a hammer; a piece broke off.  Oops!

Recently, I did it again. I had a go at fixing a water flow problem in the bathroom sink. Those with hard water know what I’m talking about. That build-up in the aerator that slows water to a trickle. Not an expensive fix if I had a few extra aerators and just replaced it!  But oh no! I sprayed vinegar around it and use pliers to remove. I put the cruddy aerator in a saucer and  with a sprinkle of soda and a vinegar spritz. The white hardened deposit flaked right off. All good! Then my mistake. I used pliers to tighten the aerator once I put it back on the faucet.  In turning it with the pliers, I applied too much pressure and broke a plastic piece inside the  faucet. I didn’t learn until a plumber visited that there even was a plastic piece inside the faucet.

Initially, when turning on the tap, water was flowing just fine; then the unthinkable happened. It was escaping at the elbow and going directly onto the floor inside the sink cabinet. And there it was! My OMG what I have I done moment.  I immediately turned off the water. Point of access shut-offs are critical!

I called my good and faithful plumber and his associate booked an appointment. They have been insanely busy and I appreciated that they did their best to accommodate me. You don’t realize how much you miss a bathroom sink until you don’t have access to it. Points to ponder.

When the plumber and his apprentice came to remedy the problem, they could have pointed and laughed, given ‘the thing’ with the toilet bowl, but they didn’t. After their inspection under the sink, I was vindicated.

They discovered that the plumbing pipes inside the cabinet were not aligned so, over time, they simply shifted. That was not my fault! When I leaned onto the bowl to put the aerator back on, that was just enough to push on the pipes to allow water escape. The primary culprit, truth be told, was the person who installed the pipes in the first place. That’s on him. I relied on him to ensure a quality install; clearly, I didn’t get what I paid for. Moaning about it would do me no good in the current circumstance. 

The bathroom fiascos turned out to be life lessons. Costly ones, certainly, but within them I leaned a few things. Notably, that I shouldn’t do a job for which I am not trained

The same is true in our daily lives. For so many, COVID confinement has put into the closet the ‘better angels’ with whom we walk. Tempers flare at the least little thing. Families become divided over beliefs about vaccines. Mild irritation goes from a simmer to a boil with anger reaching the point where husbands and wives, brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles are so fractured they see no way back.  The screaming, the yelling, then the walking away, with declarations they’re not looking back. Friends are falling away from social groups, often in self-preservation. Take a breath everyone! Like the plumber had tools to fix my toilet and sink, we have tools to fix relationships — if we want to. 

In this age of technology, the one sided approach may be  a first step. Write a letter — put pen to paper. It’s more personal than an email and taking the time to write and mail a letter illustrates that you’re willing to take a step forward. Then wait.  I’m of the belief that anything is possible. If the door to reconciliation is opened with a reply in kind, a call or email, take the win. Reach out and talk.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, the boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

I am not lonely in my solitude

Photo: Azin Ghaffari/Post Media

   In the words of the Belgian poet, May Sarton  “loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” 

COVID  has taken so much life and living away from millions across the globe, being especially impactful on the very young and the very old; men, women and children who fall into pockets of society where those compromised by ongoing illness, disease or condition that diminishes access to inclusion in life’s daily activities are living. Very often, they are the most at risk due to inherent stressors of their circumstance.

As we approach the holiday season and all that entails, the lonely are even more mired down in their often demoralized lives. The financially fragile struggle to make ends meet and to keep up the wants of children in their care who are influenced by the Madison Avenue machine and the televised hype targeting them. Spending on gifts may not be an option and many will isolate themselves as a way to cope with what they no longer have; for lots of people, they’ve never had that spend-ability as every penny goes to costs of daily living. Added to the ranks are those, due to COVID ’s assault on the  economy, who’ve lost jobs or abandoned jobs. Families with young children are caught in the cross-hairs on a daily basis, having to juggle almost every minute of the day to make sure they can get it all done. Reality tells us that’s not possible as is evidenced by the demand for more paediatric mental health counsellors and clinicians working with seniors and geriatric populations who are falling further down the rabbit hole.

Solitude is enjoyed by those like me who made the decision early on that being on their own is not always a bad thing or a wrong thing as they adjusted their life compass, adapting to being alone; folks such as I whose lives have been challenged by compromised health or certain disabilities that preclude full inclusion into daily living in the ‘out and about’ world develop such skills very early on. I’ve spent decades creating a ‘comfort space’ for myself, realizing early that there would always be things I could never do by virtue of living of cerebral palsy. There are other things.

As frustrating as that has been over the years, I’ve managed to press on;  being angry or fixating on what one doesn’t have is a fool’s game, wasting valuable time that could be spent  engaged in the purposeful and the enjoyable. Taking time to explore opportunities may reveal options you never thought about; your major wow moment. Solitude is not about not wanting to be with other people. It’s about being with yourself.

We’ve been ‘confined to quarters’ as the COVID virus spreads, out of control in so many places because naysayers are defying science and the law to make a statement about personal freedom and choice and not getting vaccinated. Their defiance puts people in their immediate circle at significant risk. As well, their oppositional posture is contributing to the loneliness of the most vulnerable among us and that is not acceptable. It will never be acceptable. No one consciously chooses loneliness as the way it’s going to be in their world. There are many things over which we have no control and COVID is one of them. Here’s the thing — each and every one of us, across the globe, is in the same boat. What’s disheartening is that far too many ME people are making life far more challenging for the rest. 

Loneliness is viewed as a negative state marked by a sense of isolation and disconnect from community with a feeling that something is missing.  As COVID restrictions spread out across many countries around the world, people who functioned well in solitude found themselves experiencing a kind of stress like no other.  It’s pushed them into a state of feeling lonely; access to close friends has been diminished.  With acute loneliness one may feel isolated whether they’re surround by others or not. Negative feelings of self-doubt and self-worth begin to weigh on them. Civil discourse has fallen by the wayside and it has to stop. You can help. Be a good neighbour.

 Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, the boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell