Communicating compassion is easier than you think

Photo: Chris McCorkle

“Some people need to be told that they’re worthy, that they are loved,  not because nobody ever told them before, but because someone told them they weren’t.” [Eliot Knight]

With the holidays soon upon us, we must be mindful that not everyone will have the warm and fuzzies, convinced they’ve got nothing to celebrate. They’re stressed, physically, emotionally and often, financially, stuck in the rut of believing that the celebration of holidays requires a lot of money, a lot of presents, a lot of stuff. 

A group of friends in like circumstance getting together for a pot luck comprised of favourite recipes with a few special, festive treats added to the table can a memorable holiday party make. Cost sharing to create a delicious meal is a popular way for those who would otherwise be alone to ‘make the day’ for themselves. Small gatherings such as these are great ways to spread the word — that people are worthy and that they are loved, making meaningful conversation easier. What flows out of those meal time exchanges may be the foundation for other  interactions over a sustained period. Lots and lots of words. Words connect us in ways that we don’t often think about. As we become more comfortable with words coming and going, we become more open to include more people and more words into our sphere. Our worth bank grows.

There are many among us, both young and old, who, for whatever reasons have received messages that defeat them, deflate them, demoralize them. Heard often enough, one grows to believe them.

We need to always remember that words matter, especially when engaged with children, who often lack the filters adults rely on to sift out the noise. Children have no appreciation for the subtle nuances of language so we must be short, sweet and to the point when answering a question or when asking something of them.

This time of year, children understandably get an acute case of ‘I want’ without an awareness that what they want may be out of financial reach of their parents. It is often difficult to explain to a child who has no comprehension of the value of a dollar that the what they want Mom and Dad just can’t afford. We can’t risk saying that Santa can’t get it for them.

What we can do instead is encourage them to explore the value of giving to someone else. Children learning what they live, with a daily dose of positive regard from parents and others, are well equipped to go out into the world and instill that belief in other children who may not always hear those affirming messages that they are valued.

Educating children about services like the Out of the Cold Shelter, for example, is a perfect way to bring them to an awareness about the value of being thoughtful with their words. It’s never to early to have those conversations.

Lots of children who live on the fringes because their parents are no frills, surviving hand to mouth, are not immune to having a long wish list — they’re children after all. It’s important to ensure that we are uplifting with our words, not putting so much attention on what one doesn’t have. Children being drawn in to a case of ‘I want” can actually relate to the homeless person because they know what it is to want but not always get. Explaining to them in relaxed language about what being homeless means will allow them to understand that it is something that we all should care about. Whatever we can do to provide care and comfort means a lot, with a kind word going a long way. It’s important for us to realize that the words we use to describe the homeless or any other disenfranchized group, has a lasting impact. Children need to know that there are many reasons that one is homeless and the words we use to convey our feelings about it will very often determine outcomes, especially if we take the time to have conversations with those affected by lack of an address.

Teachers in our primary and elementary schools can open dialogue about words and feelings and give children an opportunity to share what’s on their mind. As children learn more about what goes on in the world around them, in their community, they are able to formulate ideas about what their future will look like. Raising and educating community minded young people sends a powerful message that doesn’t always require words.  Actions speak louder.

Children will learn that time and attention is a two-way exchange and that we show we are worthy through our words and deeds. So, grab the kids and grandkids and get out there and show your community what you’re made of.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her geriatric Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca