What children really need and how they can get it

Iphones have no place at the dinner table

John Ruskin, a leading English art critic of the Victorian era had it exactly right — “give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back.” What happens when children are deprived or at least feel deprived of love? “You don’t love me!”; “If you loved me ….”

I recently read about a child killing another child  — inside a classroom. A 10 year old fifth grader died in North Carolina 2 days after the altercation. How does this happen? Children limited in loving interactions with their first teachers, their parents, are often lacking in social rules that govern behaviour. Is it not  a parent’s role, with love, to meet the demands of teaching proper conduct? 

What happened in that classroom that took it to the point where the teacher lost control of the situation?  So many questions. We’re not likely to hear much more about this given that both children are minors. Let’s hope the press doesn’t beat the proverbial dead horse and instead moves to the greater issue. The greater need. What can we, as thinking, feeling human beings do to ensure that children in our community are not lost in the shuffle? 

Today’s children seem to be living with an inordinate level of stress and I assert that a lot of it comes from one thing — lack of positive regard on a regular basis from the significant people in their lives — their parents. Refrigerator parents/emotionally absent parents really need to start taking stock of what their sitting on the proverbial sidelines is doing to their children.  The latest bit of technology — that much whined for tablet, the larger internet package to stream more movies, or the pricey running shoes or the best jeans will never be enough to fix what’s really wrong. There’s a wounded child inside that youthful body with the potty mouth and the bad attitude, wanting more and more stuff, when what he needs is a hug. Did over-indulgence with stuff create that ‘little monster’ Mom and Dad now describe? Step back and take a look. Who over-indulged? Is over-indulgence a sign of a parent’s own wounded inner child?

Technology has significantly and forever changed the landscape with regard to how people interact and that includes children; from the very young, even pre-verbal, to the much older, high school student. Don’t get me wrong, technology is a great thing. I’ve been able to appreciate all manner of opportunities since travelling on the ‘information highway’. Long before that, though, I had in the world, real life, up close and personal interactions with real people, doing real things from going to school, to playing outside as a child, to hanging out with friends in university and during my work life, to playing the role of wife and stepmother during that phase of my life. For me, the internet replaces the bricks and mortar libraries that I was never able to visit with ease.

The internet and all that goes with it is a great tool for children — to learn; to connect with other young people around the world, sharing common interests, talking about what life is like where they live. All good things, right? Of course, but in moderation — especially during the formative years. Children are spending too much time tethered to technology; in fact, far too many are actually sleeping with it and that’s scary and sad at the same time. Parents, where are you? Oh, wait, you’re tethered to your own devices and not interacting, using your inside voices to engage with your children. 

That’s a huge problem, folks. Huge. Children will be better rested for improved school performance if technology stays out of the bedroom. Family relationships will blossom if  iPhones don’t have a place at the dinner table.

Children getting into fights with other children, children arriving at school appearing tired and ill-prepared for the day, children being in a perpetual state of upset, day after day. What’s going on? It’s important for teachers to ask soft questions with as little leading as possible. What’s actually more important, though, is for parents to be having real, meaningful conversations with their children on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be a long drawn out affair — a check in and a check-up. These ‘mini meetings’ may well be the way to fend off a blow-up at school, in the classroom or on the playground. 

What children need each day and every day is the gentle, guiding hands and voices of the influencing adults in their world  - technology can never replace a hug or a “well done, son.”  Think about that the next time you sit down to watch television.  Call your child out from his room and his own television and go for a walk. Go ahead and talk, too! You’ve got this.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her geriatric Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

Nurse practitioners and physician assistants fill important gaps

 

I echo Ted Flemming’s sentiments with regard to the function of the ER and the need for changes; changes that are long past due. Expanding physician hours is not the only solution; it’s simply a band-aid on a gaping wound that requires multiple sutures. 

Following Mr. Flemming’s assessment was a thought-provoking piece delivered by 3 ER physicians who paint a scary picture of the implosion of ER services. Is the system irrevocably broken? Perhaps not. Physicians assistants also had a say in the matter. The prognosis seems grim. Is it?

From my perspective, as armchair critic, what may contribute to health and wellness is a roster of nurse practitioners and physician assistants in every hospital across the province taking on all those patients with health/medical concerns that are clearly not emergencies. ER wait times have become life threatening. 6-12, 20 hour ER waits is is unacceptable. Full stop! Adding an extra layer of health care via nurse practitioners and physician assistants has potential to break into the flow of ER congestion as they are able to spend with the patient the time the doctor just doesn’t have. That time can be spent educating patients about what IS an emergency and what is not. Armed with knowledge reduces anxiety and may minimize the frequency of future ER visits.

Sometimes, ER traffic is comprised of frequent flyers, as I like to call them; not always those without a family doctor, but folks who think that every little thing, from a hangnail to a sniffle requires emergency medical attention.  And then there are those who fear they won’t get seen in a timely manner and avoid going to the ER when they really should, waiting to the point where an ambulance is called to their home. Sadly, it’s sometimes too late. A catch-22 to be sure. 

Funding to provide more physician hours has not been changed since 2004. Wait times are perilously long while physicians work diligently to break the back of the heavy load they carry. They cannot possibly do good medicine in circumstances that test their resolve to keep going. Sick patients get sicker and those who wait with them get understandably anxious. Then the pressure cooker of emotions explode. No winners.

We are a population that's aging, many in nursing homes; lots of men and women are aging in their own home but sadly, far too many find themselves aging in hallways and other spaces in hospitals because there are no nursing home beds. Equally sad is when an elderly couple has to be separated, with different nursing home placements. I’m sorry, but that’s cruel and inhumane. There’s no other way to spin it. Compassionate care must rule the plan of health services delivery.

From where I sit, we really are in full crisis mode, with too many people spending far too much time complaining about the flaws in the system instead of assessing their own contribution to that problem. Assessing what they can do in their own lives, on a daily basis, to limit their own over-use or even misuse of ER services. It’s not just about doctors, nurses and other clinicians and the care they provide. It’s about all of us.

If each community developed educational sessions on a biweekly basis, where people coul gather to get information about various concerns, I am certain that would go a long way to stemming the flow  to the ER of those who are experiencing nothing more than a bit of misguided fear, anxiety or loneliness. For some, the ER has becoming a social gathering place. Look around and see how many people come in as a group, when only one is the patient to be seen. Organising informal gatherings serves another purpose. It connects the isolated to people and potential goods and services they may require to enhance continued aging in place living. It reinvigorates communities and establishes new people connections. Providers of health care would be ideally suited to hold informal lecture series to meet, greet and educate.

A movement within communities to develop programs of service and learning would become the sutures to the wounds of isolation and loneliness experienced particularly by the most vulnerable — the elderly. Doctors would do well to ask more probing questions about lifestyle and how days are spent by those seniors who live alone. Signs of trouble would be evident with deficiencies in nutrition, lack of quality of sleep, worry about what’s to become of them when their circumstance changes. So many questions. Groups of like minded individuals within the community sharing those concerns and talking about them can ease the burden and concurrently improve physical and emotional health of the often disenfranchised.

Points to ponder.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her geriatric Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca