“The loneliest people in NB,” read the headline of Stephen Llewellyn’ recent contribution to Brunswick News. It struck a chord. The article was developed out of an interview with retired St. Thomas University Professor Dan Gleason. I extended an invitation to Dan to come out to Chez Rockwell for coffee and cake. Given I was one of his students during my first year at STU, it would be fun to reconnect. I cautioned Mr. Digby, the tenacious one, to be on his best behaviour.
Being alone, on my own, was rooted very early when I was a toddler, separate and apart from siblings, doing my own thing, while they did theirs. I had plenty of play time with my brothers and sisters and others, but artsy craftsy pursuits held my interest. The physical challenges of cerebral palsy can’t be held up as what isolated me; it was more a matter of temperament. I was into more solitary brain bending activities and that is still true today. As I’ve said in earlier discussions, alone and loneliness are not synonymous.
Admittedly, being removed from the hub of activity that city living affords has been a challenge and is becoming even more vexing. My world would be significantly broader were I to move back to where I spent much of my adult life and had readier access to points of interest like libraries, eateries, museums, etc. Perhaps I’m due for a change sooner rather than later. We shall see.
Thus far, I am able to maintain social connections in a unique way — infrequent but planned city outings coupled with an established routine of internet exchanges with folks of like mind — discussions about books, music, politics and so on; invariably discussion turns into sharing favourite tried and true recipes and banter about what new ones we’re considering. A gal’s gotta eat!
Text based ‘conversation’ has filled in the gaps for the truly shut in; many go on to video chat using downloadable chat ‘apps’ like Skype or Facetime. Some have even organized real life, in person get-togethers. And then there are those who have found a connection that has taken them on the journey of dating and mating.
Years ago, I and another fellow Canadian, also living with cerebral palsy, were joint operators of a chat room that was a welcoming place for persons with disability. I was more a mentor to the then 18 year old young man from Ontario who started the channel. We would chat about a range of issues that affected the daily living of persons with disability. Sometimes, we were called upon to help someone in crisis; that person new to disability who was looking for a job; the woman with amputation who was being abused and didn’t know what to do or how to get out; the guy who liked a girl at work but didn’t know how to approach her — he lived with fully involved quadriplegia and she was one of those Madison Avenue pretty girl types. Internet text based chat, then as now, serves a valuable function with regard to social connectedness amongst the disenfranchised.
Recently, I have been reconnected with chat pals from ‘back in the day’, and it occurred to me that perhaps there is still a place for ‘conversation’ that involves banging away on a keyboard. And so was born #seniorchat on Dalnet server via Mirc or X-chat (Mac users). There are a number of other chat programs that are still available and would accommodate access to the chat space I’ve created. Please feel free to email me for instructions on setting up so you may join us and toss in your 2 cents; 10, if you’re feeling particularly inspired.
I heartily agree with Prof. Deborah van den Hoonaard’s assessment when she speaks of how seniors are treated within various ‘helping’ systems. Our senior care programs should seriously consider adding another layer to the currently available services that go beyond custodial work. Because of frequent rotations of workers making home visits to clean the bathroom and dust the living room tables, there is little in the way of what I call ‘people polishing’. People need to be acknowledged as thinking, feeling human beings. To fill in a gap, the Red Cross’ Senior Check-in program is laudable but there needs to be so much more on a sustained basis; each and every day there must be some mechanism of connectedness put in place for those who are skirting the fringes. I believe my new chat space might be just the ticket for some old geezers and geezerettes such as I to ‘get connected’.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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