“The feeling of being isolated is an essentially human feeling. It does not simply signify the fact of being alone. Loneliness is different from solitude. We may choose solitude; we may be alone and happy, because we know that, in other respects, we belong to a family, a community, the universe, and to God. Loneliness is a feeling that we belong to nothing, that we are cut off from everything and everyone, and that we are of no value.” [Jean Vanier]
Across the country, loneliness has reached epidemic proportions according to many studies in recent years, pointing to it being a bigger risk than smoking or obesity. That doesn’t surprise me at all. In fact, it saddens me to know that people have become so isolated, right under our very noses.
If you see your family doctor regularly and are experiencing difficulties coping with emotional troubles/stress, you must verbalize them if you are able. In knowing how you’re really feeling, your doctor, in consultation with other clinicians, will make every effort to get you on track to take advantage of resources that can help. You don’t get if you don’t ask.
Health professionals are becoming more tuned in to subtle signs of trouble, asking specific questions to elicit responses that tend to shine a light on the true nature of what’s going on in the day-to-day world of their patients. This is especially important when treating folks who live on their own without ready access to family and lacking a solid network of friends in the community. Isolation amongst seniors is pervasive; those of advanced age, into their 80s and early 90s, who are able to physically maintain their home, whether a small apartment or a small house are so intent on proving they can do it that they balk at the very idea of help. Sadly, family and friends may stop asking. Don’t do that. Keep checking in and pay attention for clues that may indicate there’s a problem with your loved one.
As holidays approach, many people who live on their own wonder what they will do. Well, to start, if you have a particular skill, like sewing, call your local churches and let them know that you’d like to participate in their Christmas play, helping to make costumes. If transportation is an issue, let them know. Other opportunities for social engagement exist during holiday time as well; serving at church or service club sponsored sit down meals at the local church hall or community centre. Baking is a great way for folks to get connected. It’s a tangible way for you to share of yourself. If you make a fabulous pumpkin pie or mince pie, don’t keep that to yourself. Fire up the oven and bake a few to take along to the next community social gathering. You don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to.
Loneliness is an easy trap to fall into, with self-worth taking a hit as the drive/desire to get out there and participate goes flat. Then there’s the matter of isolation being a by-product of illness and lack of connectedness because of it. Often, people who are unwell physically just don’t have the get up and go to be out and about. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to be involved, to have people contact; simply put, they don’t have the energy. Many conditions and diseases are so fatiguing that they really do suck the life out of one. I believe that we have an opportunity help change the landscape by looking to how we can make a difference in the lives of those who are living on the fringes, perhaps just two doors down. Don’t just talk about what you would like to do, get out there and do it. Someone needs you. In the effort to combat elder loneliness is also opportunity for youth driven volunteerism. Imagine that!
If you’re a shut in more by choice than circumstance, you really can make a difference in the life of someone who has no choice. Have you ever considered becoming a friendly visitor to the hospitalized person — perhaps reading the paper with them. Even visiting in the cafeteria of a nursing home is a way to connect with those who don’t always have enough ‘people contact’. The bonus is that it helps break the back of your own self-imposed isolation.
Recently, I had a telephone conversation a grand old gal in her 70s and living alone, she wanted to know what services might be available to connect her to the community. She knew she needed to ‘get out’ more, saying that a computer she once had gave her a ‘connection’; now, she can’t afford a replacement. I offered a few ideas with regard to agencies that might be able to help with her need for people contact.
That got me thinking about what steps the business community might be able to take to enhance connection of the elderly, shut-in, or medically compromised who don’t get out and about easily to participate in their communities. Access to a computer would fill in a gap, but it shouldn’t be a replacement ‘friend’ when a real, live, breathing one is the ideal.
How many businesses are planning to upgrade their computer systems in the next several months? Would you consider turning over your old systems after reformatting, donating them to those who don’t have a computer? How about raffling them off to raise money for a special community project? Would internet service providers be prepared to offer seniors new to computers a reduced fee for an internet connection? When ease of getting out and about is compromised by frailty or issues with mobility, or lack of transportation, a computer creates a connection, creates a community. The business community has opportunity to take the lead.
Health care professionals, notably doctors and other providers of medical interventions can further contribute to patient wellness by keeping updated lists of various agencies and other social services so as to provide much needed contact information to those who may be in need guidance outside routine medical examinations. Communication is key. Access to health and wellness service providers outside the clinical setting would be a valuable tool for the senior who strives to live safely in his own home for as long as possible. These critical conversations are necessary for all of us, young and old, to maintain healthy and healthful living.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca
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