Wearing a mask says I care about you

  Photo: Dave Sidaway/Postmedia Network

My last commentary went to press before it could be amended to correct an error not of my making!  I discovered something about myself via the online rendering that I didn’t know. I have 6 sisters! That’s enough for a basketball team; 5 plus a manager. Since I can barely stand up, I’ll be manager. The youngest  (since they’re pretend sisters), will be water carrier and fetcher of snacks!

There’s a lesson here. Anyone who knows me and read the column in papers in which it appears would have had a “What?” moment. Where did Dr. Jim and Peg hide the other girls?

Wrong words can be read, uttered and spread hither and yon, taking on a life of their own, greying what is true and what is not true.

My point here is that words matter. Words have an intent that conveys what we mean, but how we say them and how people hear them aren’t always synonymous. COVID mask wearing, as example — it’s not mandated. Yet. 

Hear the words coming out of the mouths of many of our neighbours south of the border. Scary words are creating scarier times. Inconsistent messaging from the top down is creating a mistrust of science, of medicine. Schools are open and school nurses and educators have policies in place; in the vast majority, children and staff MUST wear masks, but because communities don’t have a firm masking mandate, children are confused: “I must wear a mask at school”; “I don’t have to wear a mask at the market”; “I don’t have to wear a mask at lots of restaurants”, “I have to wear a mask at church.” Back and forth. Forth and back! Children need guidance, adults need guidance. Who is going to guide ALL? Confusion arises when parents aren’t as committed to consistency of message and taking mixed messages out in the community with their children. A hit and miss affair, the very half-hearted effort that can cycle the virus out of control at a speed health care professionals and others won’t be able to get in front of. 

We’ve seen the videos on the internet of  out-of-control men and women of various ages screaming at wait staff in all manner of retail establishments. Screaming when told to wear a mask while on the premises. Screaming that their rights are being violated and they don’t have to wear a mask. What they fail to understand is that shop keepers don’t have to serve them and are within rights to ask them, nicely to leave. How many of those screamers thought about what they would say before they spewed? Did they think at all? What did they think of their behaviour afterwards? Were their  children or grandchildren witness to their infantile outburst? How did they explain the behaviour to youngsters? Or did they? We must remember that children learn what they live; in these COVID times we must be teaching children, by example, that we care about the health of everyone, just as we would hope/expect them to care about us and our loved ones. 

Children’s school life has been significantly altered for the foreseeable future so it’s incumbent upon parents and other adults in their world to ensure that their emotional health is monitored, even if on a daily basis, checking in with a “how are you feeling today?” Adults in their world must vigilant, on the alert for signs of  trouble/stress. Conversations are important to gauge how they’re really doing and what might be done to smooth their  way going forward. Pod play groups, pod learning groups and other networks of social connection can be thoughtfully explored when groups of parents of like mind get together and co-operatively organize. Once a rhythm is established, days get easier and children will thrive. Parents and others can then step back and see that life in COVID times can be just fine. Be respectful and wear a mask. Stay safe.

Carla Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Brotherly love in COVID times

Jason & Melanie after 6 months separation

Growing up in rural New Brunswick, daughter of a country doctor and a stay at home Mom who was also the occasional substitute teacher in the local school system, I was #7 of 8 children. We had no groups/gatherings for siblings of persons with disability to get together to discuss anxieties, fears, the future, their role in the adult life of their sibling with disability. Tough conversations about challenging situations.

My parents and I were fortunate that my disability, spastic diplegic cerebral palsy, wouldn’t significantly impact my adult life with regard to independent living. At 66, I’m still at it, maintaining a home as an aging widow lady, kept busy by a similarly aging Maltese terrier with attitude. So far, good!

Many children with disabilities, as they ‘age out’ of paediatric services, often grow up without sufficient networks in place to pick up where parents and early education leave off.

In these COVID times, adults with disability, particularly those in group homes, have been challenged by lack of access to family and friends. For many, their daily routine has been turned upside down, not unlike seniors in care homes across the country. Even seniors with dementia have a sense that something isn’t ‘right’ in their world and it’s difficult to explain to them what is going on. Such is the case with young group home residents who have a certain level of intellect that allows them to carry on conversations and be engaged in meaningful ways. 

In the group home setting, where several adults with challenges reside as a family, with two or more team leaders acting as ‘house parents’, the challenge of explaining to 6-8 men and women why they can’t go to work, why they can’t go to social club, why they can’t go to the park with their brother or sister is exhausting. Several times a day, the same questions asked and the same answers given.

Several years ago, I stumbled across a Facebook group, The Sibling Collaborative, born in Canada in 2016, boasting 462 members. I was struck by the recent entry of one young woman, Melanie.

Melanie and her brother, Jason, had to wait 6 months to be together — at a distance. Can you imagine what that amount of time means to someone with challenges to daily living that impact mental acuity and understanding? To not have that daily presence in their world and not able to understand the why of it. The pain of the absence on the non-disabled sibling is palpable as they can’t give what their brother or sister is used to; a hug, a song, a story from a favourite book, a dance around the lawn; watching a movie together, though one may not understand a word of it. Quality time spent has become quality time lost to COVID.

Another group member shared the anxiety her brother was feeling as he communicated via a white board; she feels she’s not doing enough and he is wanting to do things and see people but he cannot. COVID has rocked his world; lashing out is how he copes. What else can he do? What else can his sister do? 

Staff in the group home settings are tasked with steering intellectually challenged adults already frustrated by so many things they will never understand. The days are long, confined in place with no access to usual activities which, for years, were part of their worlds. I applaud all those health care professionals and educators in such settings who stay the course. The constancy of people is critical as routines change. Being able to hug the residents as you share the space, sit at the table to share meals, knowing that the end of the day, you’ll have to repeat the same thing tomorrow. 

Behavioural techniques already used can help residents adjust to changes in routines; modeling and reinforcing desired behaviours, picture schedules, timers, and visual cues. Local mental health clinics or special education agencies are excellent resources for guidance. If some residents are struggling, perhaps their physician could visit to offer reassurance. Special times demand special considerations and health care professionals will endeavour to do all that is necessary to ensure that adults with special needs are treated with respect and dignity as they struggle with the confusion in their world.

Adults with disability who relied on others, including siblings may be at higher risk of infection during these COVID times; people who have difficulties washing their own hands, blind or low-vision individuals who must physically touch objects for support or to obtain information, and those with trouble understanding and/or following public health guidance on physical distancing may be at higher risk.

Men and women guiding siblings with disability through COVID deserve all the help they can get. Lend a hand!

Carla Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

COVID restrictions are about caring for others

Pierre Obendrauf/PostMedia News

       “Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking”, are words to live by, penned by H. Jackson Brown, Jr, author of the best-selling Life’s Little Instruction Book.

In these  COVID times, as I’ve come to call this phase of my life, character matters more than ever. We see a light being shone on it in the political arena as regions in many countries are facing elections for new leadership. The character of a leader tends to steer the behaviour of those being led. That’s why I”m glad I live in Canada, specifically, in New Brunswick, where people don’t have to work too hard to be WE people. Then there are those firmly entrenched in the ME zone with regard to adherence to wearing face masks. Actually, they’re more nose and mouth coverings, to prevent spread of  droplets from person to person. Droplets that may or may not carry the COVID virus. We cannot possibly know if we are carriers/spreaders.

This past Saturday, I was in the city, dividing my time between wheeling and walking.  While  uprightly mobile, my own mask in place, I encountered a mask-free woman with a man who was wearing one; I commented on the lack of nose and mouth covering. She said she couldn’t wear a mask and left it at that, as did I. She was not socially distanced from people around her, some of whom were also maskless. Many teens and younger people amongst them.

I’m not alone in wondering why so many are oppositional to wearing a mask. To use the “I have asthma,” or “I have a heart condition,”  among many rationales for non-compliance,  selfishly dismisses the rights of everyone else, particularly if non-compliance with mask-wearing is accompanied by zero social distancing.

I’ve read about the ‘face mask exemption cards’. Psst! They’re fake! I saw one online that was riddled with errors and had to chuckle. At least the author could have proofread before circulating hither and yon, which begs a question -  do medical exemptions for face masks really exist? As a matter of course, coverings should not be placed on children under age 2 or anyone who has trouble breathing, is unconscious or otherwise unable to remove the mask without assistance. That’s reasonable.

Frankly, those who claim they can’t wear a mask for health reasons think they’re fooling the rest of us. They’re not! If they can wear a scarf over their face for seveal hours while outside in winter weather, they can sure as heck wear a covering for an hour or two in the mall or grocery shopping. Mutual respect is the order of the days ahead. The oppositional must accept that and just get on with their lives without making excuses for being boorish.

Though I’ve not consulted them, I’m sure that many health professionals would say that exemptions aren’t necessary. If one had serious burns on the face and covering it would cause pain, then of course, don’t wear a covering. That makes sense. But, with that, one must still socially distance.

  Treating others as we would like to be treated is a maxim that many of us learned at home before we even started our sit down and be still formal education. It concerns me, given I live in a province with more aging/senior citizens than young people, that those who are young are not being respectful of their elders. The press on COVID is clear. It is here for the long haul unless people start taking it seriously and function in a way that flattens the curve and reduces spread.

Many families have lost businesses due to COVID; they will struggle for many years to come, so it’s incumbent upon all of us to just stop making excuses for not ‘going along to get along’ so that we can, as a province and as a country, get ahead of this virus and contribute to economic recovery across communities. Only  when that happens will we be able to function with a greater degree of security that we are less at risk than several months ago. To those who continue to ‘push the envelope’, your behaviour puts everyone at risk. You have to know that. You have to accept that reality of this virus. It respects no one. Not even you.

As we move beyond our bubbles and expand our travels in and around this province and others, we absolutely must practice social distancing and mask wearing. It’s really not that difficult when we realize that doing just those two things ensures that we can stay ‘open for business’. Think about what that means for your family in the long term.

Carla Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

COVID isn’t going anywhere. Wear a mask!

Photo: Brandon Harder/Postmedia

       A recent scary headline - “Melbourne woman 'smashes police officer's head into concrete when told to wear a face mask”, brings me to reference of my last column, which drew the ire of two readers, one a ‘usual suspect’ who seems to be oppositional about everything, if his comments about mask wearing were any indication.

He called me ‘Doctor Fear’. I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on the internet nor in my column. My late father was a doctor; an anaesthesiologist in Bath, and his colleague, a surgeon, and childhood neighbour with 4 sons, two of whom are doctors, would be right up there with my Dad, in opposition to all the naysayers dismissing the importance of masks. 

  Masks and social distancing are VITAL if we are to get control of the spread of COVID and people need to accept that compliance is expected from everyone. No one is suggesting that masks be worn for 12-18 hours/day. Far too many people are taking the ‘violation of rights’ to an extreme without giving thought to the reality that in NOT wearing a mask, they impact the health and safety of those around them. Naysayers are committing crimes against store/shop/restaurant owners and staff who are attempting to enforce public safety rules meant to protect all.  Why? Everyone wants to emotionally, physically, mentally and financially survive the impact of COVID. Financial survival supports all the rest and when naysayers bully staff at their usual places of food shopping, dining and other venues, they affect the lives of everyone, not just the person at whom they’re screaming. Their rage is misplaced and they really should consider seeking counsel. To be that out of control is very telling that they are struggling with the impact of COVID, taking it out on anyone and everyone. If the news coming from the US is any indication, service people are getting seriously injured just trying to do their job. The violence against them must stop. Local police need to press charges each and every time, with ZERO  passes with a verbal warning. Not enough! Courts must levy fines against violent persons inflicting physical harm on people who are struggling to cope  in these very challenging times.

He who left the misinformed comment  regarding my last column functions under the misapprehension that only a doctor should be recommended mask wearing during a pandemic. Hmm! His doctor recommended no mask for him for health reasons. He didn’t go into them and I wasn’t going to ask. The point is, if he can’t wear a mask, he CAN socially distance. It’s about thinking, developing a plan and being respectful. If he cannot do that, then the majority, I’m sure, would suggest he just stay home and have all his needs met remotely. Too much negative energy drags everyone down during these stressful times; we must always be aware of that and act accordingly.

Another person, a female, suggested that I wasn’t medically qualified. There’s that that ‘you’re not a doctor’ reference again. What I am is a person who reads, who accepts the science associated with the course of the COVID virus and its pandemic status. 

I function within parameters that will keep me and those around me safe. This woman was advocating the use of  hydroxychloroquine zinc and zithromas. There is little support for the efficacy of Hydroxychloroquine and the majority of clinicians strongly discourage its use. But people will listen to wrong voices of those who are not in the medical profession and take that drug without fully appreciating what it may do to them if they have any comorbidities. For myself, living with cardiac defect, there’s no way I’d ever take it and risk cardiac event death.

Mask wearing should not cause such violence. Those who are so oppositional must look to the why of their behaviour; they’re afraid and they need to admit it. They also need to acknowledge that those around them are afraid as well and lashing out does far more harm to everyone than they seem to comprehend. When a mask violator beats in the face of the person serving him coffee because he didn’t wear a mask and she  quits her job, what does he think happens next? That woman is out of income that supported her family. The coffee shop has to fill her job. The cycle of abuses continue as panicked patrons with a misguided sense of their own importance to the exclusion of all else puts everyone at greater risk. Community response to mask violation must be swift; so too,  action against people violating the rights of those enforcing the laws must also be impactful.

Mask ON!

Carla Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

Wear a mask, save lives

Kevin King/Postmedia Network

One thing is clear in this age of COVID  — if we are to get a handle on the pandemic, which is raging out of control all over the world, we MUST wear a mask. Each and every one of us over the age of 2 years have a duty to comply. Children can get the virus but they, as potential asymptomatic carriers, can also spread it; children under 2 should not have their mouths and noses covered.  Practice hand-washing hygiene with them as part of personal grooming at home.  Encourage youngsters to keep their hands away from eyes, nose and mouth. 

As for adults, wear a damned mask! Simple. Stop the whining. Stop the excuses, Stop going on about it being a violation of your rights. What about the rights of the ‘medically fragile’ or ‘at risk’.  When you’re milling about at the malls without a  mask you can’t know how many others you might unwittingly infect. As for myself, given the seriousness of our current world wide health situation, I have a right to expect places of business to be safe when I frequent them. Though I’m proactive with regard to  my own health and wellness, I am considered ‘at risk’ because of pre-existing conditions.

Again, just to be very clear. None of  us is special. None of us in immune to the virus and none of us can say with certainty that we won’t unwittingly pass it to someone else or many people, cycling the virus  even further out of control. Who’s to say that we aren’t silent spreaders and because of that, we infect many people, some of whom will die. That’s the reality of this insidious virus. It has no respect for one’s station in life. None.

The words of Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, resonate — “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care for other people”

Via a Facebook post, my sister-in-law recounted a troubling scene. She was in a convenience store where there were approximately 20 people not practicing social distancing, except those lined up at the cash. The man in front of her was still in his EMS uniform, NOT wearing a mask. That very person would be the one who loads patients onto stretchers for transport to hospital, probably sitting beside them during the ambulance ride. How many times did he do that in the course of a single day, with stops for beverage pick-up in between?  How many similarly unmasked people did he encounter? Silent spreaders? People already infected but not knowing? People presenting with early symptoms, such as a cough, but still going out? 

Ambulance New Brunswick would do well to issue a binding directive to all employees at every level of care. Violating contact and care rules could result in suspension without pay. Hits to the wallet tend to get attention and correct behaviour. For some it takes multiple cash withdrawals before they ‘get it’.

Now, about those pesky masks! Just stop it about the masks. They SAVE lives. The folks moaning and groaning about them need to just get over themselves and look at the bigger picture. It’s not like they’re forced to wear a mask every waking hour. Wearing the mask is about respecting those around us. We instruct our children to be kind, to obey safety rules, to obey rules of conduct at gathering places for sporting activities. So, too, we must obey the laws of the land as they pertain to mask wearing during a global health crisis.

  Business owners are now finding themselves acting as mask police. Patrons of their stores have a DUTY to respect the rules of establishments where there a mask order in place. Their ability to put food on the table and pay bills is at risk when bullies won’t play by the rules. Violators of mask mandate ARE bullies. They can spin it any way they like but they need to understand this — by not wearing a mask, they punish themselves, too.  How can that be more important than respecting the person who sells them a coffee and doughnut? 

Stay safe. Be kind. WEAR a mask.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

Use COVID to rethink teaching, parenting

        COVID-19 has affected children in ways that will have impact on their daily lives, ongoing education and psychosocial development in the larger world. It’s critical that mechanisms be developed that will provide relief for their stress and a place to put all that energy; some of it nervous and anxiety producing.

Take it outside! On the streets where they live. With sidewalk games; socially distanced story time with children reading to each other or telling stories, each one taking a turn to make the wordy adventure grow. A great learning and teaching tool. And it’s fun!

Even learning the times table can be done outside ; an old-fashioned slate and chalk will take care of business.  Play marbles! Develop a routine of exercises that contribute to health and wellness; a physical education class outside in the fresh air. Think of the possibilities!

I recall growing up in Bath, New Brunswick, #7 of 8 children, when being outside for hours each day after school was the norm. Of course, we didn’t have lots of television and there certainly was no internet or malls! In the words of Mama Cass, we had to “make your own kind of music”

Though classrooms in the age of COVID may be smaller, distanced and lacking all the things children have come to know in the 4 walls setting, outdoor learning may actually be a  blessing in disguise; the proverbial silver lining. Some children just aren’t ready for the sit down and sit still regimen that a classrom enviroment requires, especially those who’s social skills are lacking. They struggle. Play dates save the day. Outside, with a group of age related peers mixed with a few older children to show them how to do stuff, saves the play. Mistakes will be made; that’s part of the process, but with them is learning. What to do and what not to do. Block play parties with kids interacting in groups, moving in and out of their circles on the block also boosts confidence as the anxious child learns it’s okay to be worried and a bit nervous. Lots of children are. 

Today, in these COVID times, parents could pool financial resources to purchase equipment that would be shared, set up in various yards that have  appropriate space. A community work in progress that could go on for years as children grow and mature.

COVID has tested the resolve and patience of so many parents who struggled with home schooling children of various ages. Make no mistake! It’s a challenge at the best of times and gave them a whole new appreciation for what a classroom teacher of 15-20 children does day after day through a full school year. It’s exhausting.

The impact on children with special needs is astronomical; many of them used to get several hours/day of therapies and learning activies per day. That’s gone. Those about to age out are in jeopardy.

Children  prone to outbursts actually do much better in an outside learning environment with less ‘rules’; they ridge on classroom rules because they lack self-discipline. Sometimes, parents just couldn’t cope with the ‘wild child’ and decided to let the teacher  handle things. That’s wrong and it’s not fair. Parenting classes are available and offer guidance for even the most difficult child. Consistency is critical.

As parents step back, they’ll find that the childen will arrange their own play dates after school, negotiating what they’ll  do, learning to take turns as leader. Diplomats in the making. 

The COVID curriculum has a lot of potential as teachers, parents and community leaders move forward to ensure health and safety for all. Children have come out from behind smartphones and tablets and other devices of current communication and are learning to use their voice and their words to share ideas and intent. Technology becomes a facilitator of interactions not a replacement for them.

The ‘sit still and learn this’ model has been  partially sidelined for now. Frankly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing as this change of scene gives the students lost in the shuffle an opportunity  to shine, to show their stuff and to get comfortable enough in their own skin to rise above any particular challenges that may have held them  back within  four walls.

Let’s not gripe about what COVID took from us. Instead let’s look to how we can adapt our daily living to meet the challenges of ensuring our children are safe, well and happy while learning what they need to be learning to compete on the world stage.

Stay safe and wear a mask. Don’t litter!

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca

A day in the life — COVID-19 style

Dan Janisse/Postmedia News

       Several days ago, I went to the city, for an eye exam, brunch,  and grocery shopping. Each stop involved various components of social distancing, a phenomenon that is going to be around for some time to come; to be safe, we are obliged to accept this new way of conducting daily life. Wearing a mask is NOT that difficult, folks. Not wearing one risks lives, maybe our own. 

That being the case, is it absolutely vital that each and every one of us observe the protocols set out by the Department of Health. That is our DUTY as citizens of the world!

At the eye doctor, I walked in on my crutches, masked. A quick stop at the  hand sanitizing station. Done. Eye exam done. I get to spend more money; new lenses! On the way out, another shot of sanitizer and a scrub of the hands. Then to Vogue Optical. I was allowed to pass through the door between the two businesses, a concession to my mobility disorder. I always appreciate it when I am able to conserve energy with the help of others. Being a frugal Scot, I recycled the frames for the 3rd, or is it the 4th script change. In a few weeks I’ll be seeing a whole new world. No, I won’t sing!

Next, off to enjoy brunch. Kudos to staff at Pizza Delight who diligently wiped down tables, chairs and booth seats as they were vacated. It seemed so strange to be dining at lunch time without the usual banter coming from several tables at once. My friend commented that the outings are no longer fun. I had to agree. Is what we enjoyed for decades gone forever?

Off to the grocery store — I’m concerned about the complacency with which so many of the young function. No longer can they think themselves invincible when they’re out and about because what they do from now on until COVID is gone, impacts everyone  around them as well as everyone not around them. COVID doesn’t distinguish. It attacks the most vulnerable first, but it can and does attack the seemingly healthy high school football player or the yoga-practicing ballet dancer. COVID doesn’t discriminate between genders.

Littering the highways and waterways with discarded masks and gloves has got to STOP. Wildlife is struggling to survive at the best of times and for us supposedly intelligent humans to destroy their homes is cruel and inhumane. We have a DUTY to protect our environment, so that it will continue to provide us with so many of the good things in life, most notably enjoying all the beauty it brings to our lives. We take photographs of flower, of birds, of bears and deer. What are we thinking when we litter the places where they live and hunt for food? That makes no sense. Just stop it!

COVID-19 has altered so much of how we live and what we are able to do and what we are no longer able to do. It’s a huge adjustment, that’s for sure.  But one thing is clear — so long as people don’t follow the rules and wander around without wearing a mask and without observing the rules of social distancing, COVID cases will rise. More people will die. Will the next one or the one after that or the two after that be people we know?  Perhaps. Do we want to be THAT person who didn’t wear a mask or maintain distance? 

Pushy, needy, greedy ME people are challenged by rules at the best of times but COVID-19 has shone a light on their deficiencies to purposeful and effective interpersonal interactions.  Do they  have it within themselves to make changes? For themselves  and for those around them? For those with whom they come in contact on a daily basis?

In doing our part and not becoming complacent we can ensure that as businesses reopen and a level of normalcy to daily living returns; we can ensure it stays that way by OBEYING the rules of social distancing and mask wearing.

To reiterate, masks are CRITICAL to limit/eliminate spread. That cannot be stressed enough. In not doing our part, we are risking the lives of every single person in our community. That is the reality of our current situation. We truly are in this together.

As more and more businesses open and more street vendors attached to eat-in restaurants  pop up to  recover their lockdown losses, it is important for us to strictly adhere to ALL rules that each of them outline for us. They have to earn a living to support their families just as we do and one person steps outside the rules, others will follow, thinking it’s okay. It’s not!

Tomorrow’s a new day. Make it a safe one. Wear a mask.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca