The ebb and flow of online relationships

Patricia Ernsberger, Mansfield, Ohio

According to Walter Elliot, a 19th century American priest, “perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”    

A life measured in terms of months or years due to a condition like cancer is much the same. Daily routines are disrupted, with all family members impacted by what the person with disability or disease is going through. 

I did it again. I had one of those “OMG, I’m old!” moments. Then I took a breath and reminded myself of those people, young and old who live with since birth disabilities like I do, who never came close to the number of years I’ve chalked up. I’ll be 70 next year! Imagine that. 

On 11 July, my little friend Eli James from Tennessee passed away. He lived with the most severe form of Spina Bifida and managed to squeeze a lot of purpose out of almost 13 years. He was a firecracker and won’t be forgotten by those who got to know him through a Facebook presence created by his Mom, Dawn. His service dog, Tobias, was a huge part of his life.

Death visited my online world again when, on Monday, 11 September, my friend, Patricia Ernsberger, from Mansfield, Ohio passed away due to stomach cancer that grew quickly. 

         Using the handle SilkyWay, in honour of a cat who liked only her, according to her grandson, Kody,  her death was a total shock and saddened our scrabble community. She was a vital part of the daily ‘doins’ and we could always count on her for all manner of ‘stuff of life’. Her family had expected at least a few more weeks. Alas, they were not given any more time with a woman with whom I interacted for years on a daily basis – all of it online. On a scrabble site. We were hooked! Oddest thing, though – we never played each other. Now, we never will.


 Over my many years of participation on the ‘information highway’, I’ve come across people from all over the world – people I’ll never meet in person but with whom I have a connection nonetheless. For over a decade, I’ve been part of an online scrabble community at a site called International Scrabble Club. Many of its members came from now defunct sites; I migrated from Internet Relay Chat’s #networdz channel. Lots of lively conversations each day with people, from the very young to the very old; young people still in grade school to men and women in university or trade school -- some taking their first degree, others on their second or third.                                                                                                     

Trish was thrilled to meet one of our fellow players in person, Hollie Packer, know in our scrabble world as luvs2scrab. We, in the scrabble channel, were equally thrilled for them. Sadly, Hollie passed away not long after, having struggled quietly with illness. For her, the scrabble tile flinging was a diversion from the slings and arrows of life.

Others in the group also had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting and greeting, sometimes one person meeting another, or a group getting together at a mutually agreed upon location; some met at scrabble tournaments.                  

The rituals we undertook for years became a staple for those of us who lived with challenges to mobility that impacted comfort, critical to moving around in the community. In some circles we’d be called lonely – we weren’t.  We had daily ‘people’ fixes though we never made coffee for them or shared a meal. Online relationships and connections are no less valuable than the ones we have in real life where we can see folks breathing and blinking.

Trish and I had one thing in common; we weren’t much for going out and about in our community, finding it more comfortable to stay home, in jammies with a cup of coffee, a few scrabble games or to watch a classic movie. We both were huge fans of British whodunits and got to enjoy all manner of excellent films via online streaming. Though sometimes a challenge, internet technology and all its quirks was something both of us wanted to learn more about.  Many folks in our chat room were trained in IT and always ready to offer instruction and advice. As well, I had my writing and Trish had her crafting. We stayed busy and engaged in things that were important to us.



I found myself often taking Trish into private chat to explain to her how to do this or that, or how to install and set up a program I thought she might like and find useful. She was ever the student and truly loved learning. Her limited out and about frustrated her emotional health, but she never let it get her down, not one to dwell on situations out of her control. I am convinced it’s the not stewing about things that we cannot change that makes our quality of life better and allows us to get up each day with a renewed sense of purpose. 



Trish’s life was one of perseverance. She kept going in spite of many challenges. I think that’s what drew me to her. Many in the world define themselves based on the stuff they’ve accumulated, convinced they couldn’t do without this or that and seemed not to believe folks who would say that their slow-paced life was enough. It is! Trish proved that it was.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at mailto: Carla MacInnis Rockwell

Character building in the classroom

Photo: Luke Hendry/Postmedia

Coming out of COVID lock-down has forever changed the landscape with regard to how we conduct ourselves within the community; from how things now function within the school systems, within the workplace and in public gathering places. To ensure health and wellness of all, it’s vital that men, women, boys and girls embrace being a ‘WE’ people. Some of us are disadvantaged by circumstances beyond our control and sometimes need a hand up.

According to William Ellery Channing, a Rhode Island born Unitarian preacher, “the home is the chief school of human virtues.”

Not a day goes by that we don’t read or hear about some ‘wronged’ person, adult or child, going on a rampage, armed with assault weapons, randomly shooting moving targets who are running for their lives. Clearly, all is not well in their world for them to explode their rage in a hail of bullets.

Parenting children today is no easy task, with the push and pull of almost every facet of daily life contributing to elevated stress levels — children want what they want — NOW. Some parents tend to give in rather than have conversations about the value of patience and behaving in acceptable ways to ‘earn’ the object/toy of their desire. They need help.

I recall, many years ago, making my way through parenting a young school-age stepson, venturing into not totally uncharted territory as I was used to being around youngsters. He was not an easy child, a combination of temperament and circumstance, so I decided that a way to reach him would be through reading together. All manner of books became part of his childhood library. Among them Joy Berry’s series, Let’s Talk About, with each book focusing on a single topic and includes cartoon illustrations and relatable situations. Though designed for pre-schoolers, they were appropriate for my stepson given his situation. The Let’s Talk About books help children identify, understand and learn how to handle their new feelings. It was my hope that my stepson would adjust and grow into this new, blended family. Alas, that was not to be. His needs were far greater than my abilities to meet them. Now an adult, he still hasn’t fully found his feet.

That is why I am a strong advocate of early intervention for children with special needs, unique circumstances and different learning styles, with adults in their world who just don’t seem to get them. That being so, I also believe that virtues/moral values should to be taught in school. They need be taught in school.

In Ontario Catholic schools, as example, they have what is called graduation expectations. It’s not about advancing the doctrine of a particular religion; rather it’s about developing in students a skill set that readies them for their place in their community as full-time, ongoing contributors. Students must meet a specific set of goals/requirements in order to graduate; to me, it’s ideal in theory and in practice. In fact, we could use it in our schools — I’m sure parents and teachers would welcome it. Several of the goals include: an effective communicator; a reflective, creative and holistic thinker; a self-directed, responsible, lifelong learner; a collaborative contributor; a caring family member; and, a responsible citizen. Each goal has various individual components which guide behaviour and learning.

Children who are not getting enough constructive conversation in the home, for whatever reason, need access to it in school — the one place where they rely on other adults to help them when they need it. Success in life isn’t just about reading and writing, language arts and maths. One must have the basics of kindness, of caring and sharing, if they are to achieve favourable outcomes in other aspects of life.

I don’t think I’d be too far off the mark when I say that, if each school day, in each classroom started with “Good morning, how are you feeling this morning? John, you go first,” teachers would soon realize there is a need and they have an opportunity to fill it. Invite students to share but remind them that others need to have a turn. If there’s not enough time to get to everyone, invite them to stay after school for more conversation. Invite colleagues to participate and explore plans for making these discussions a part of daily interactions with students. Such exchanges could potentially save lives as they allow teachers to see who’s struggling with situations beyond what would be expected. Stabilize the feelings and the learning takes flight.

Character/morals education is not some outdated concept that has no place in school curriculum. It has a very important place in the education of our children if they are to succeed in life. Building character in children also involves including them in the community so that they come to know that what they have to say and how they feel is important.

Morals education is like growing a vegetable garden. The seeds are planted and watered and as ideas flourish and feelings mature, the weeds are pulled away. Imagine if students developed their own real-time gardens and watched them grow. Carrots and conversation go well together.

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, a boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell