Though my physical presence is not often felt in my community nor was it in the community where I previously lived, I do believe that I am of value — from a distance. I use my voice, via my writing, to share what it means to be differently able and how that impacts those who are and how we conduct ourselves as we carve out a niché that meets our needs, whether in the short or long term. How we live our lives, in our differentness, is noticed, though perhaps not commented about. Perhaps we’ve influenced the thinking and behaviour of others and will never know about it. Are we supposed to?
According to Martin H. Fischer, a German born and educated physician, “a machine has value only as it produces more than it consumes — so check your value to the community.”
Having been a people watcher from the time I could sit up unaided and explore my world, crawling around before walking became a milestone, I saw boys and girls, men and women, making their way through days, weeks and years, seeming to question their own worth based on the value, perceived or otherwise, of other people. Frankly, that’s self-defeating and wastes time that could have been spent pulling out the best of ourselves through study, reading, writing, speaking, sharing.
The word community is, without question, central to human experience. Being part of an engaging community gives us a sense of belonging, enabling us to share a relatedness and support continued personal growth and the growth of others. We are also growing in communion with our environment which leads us to a greater understanding of why it is so important to be WE people. As best as we are able, we participate, making contact with other human beings; to deny that need diminishes ourselves.
So often we hear people say they ‘wouldn’t want to live like that’, when seeing a person like me or those with even more involved challenges to daily living, yet they embrace the lives of the likes of the Kardashians and the Hollywood ilk. What seems to be ignored is the notion that people living lives like the Kardashians may actually be struggling more than I ever will. Many of them fill up their lives with ‘stuff’ because they have the financial resources to do so. The excesses are significant compared to how ‘regular’ people live on so much less money. Then they must contend with hangerson who attach to them simply because they have money.
Folks in my world don’t have to worry about whether they’re valued for the tangibles in life or the money they may have. In my world, those who have more than they need or want, are very generous in their gifting to their community and beyond, often preferring to be anonymous in their lifting up of those who may need a little extra. Through that very practice of ‘silent partnering’ they are letting the recipient of their gift know that they are, indeed, valued.
We often hear that children learn by example. The same is true of adults, all grown up and out in the world, working, studying, making their way. Many grew up and out of circumstances that tested their resolve; they could have given up but they didn’t because they learned from a few significant people in their world that they are of value and as they grew and matured into their place in the world, they would know it.
Those who struggled to prove they are of value are often the very ones who will extend a hand to lift up another. Naysayers are locked onto the notion that the rich and powerful will always value money and how they can make more to acquire more ‘stuff’. Yes, there are many, with ‘celebrity status’ who thrive on the spotlight and their wealth, often flaunting it, sometimes to their detriment. They’re effectively diminishing their value with their attention seeking. Their ‘best by’ date will come. Then what?
Sadly, some people go into debt to create a facade to boost self-worth; alas, the interest that must be paid back puts a huge stress on daily living — living something that’s not true about them. Faces and bodies change with age and we must accept that as part of the reality of who we are and what we are meant to be. Contributing our time and attention to our community is a tangible way we can add value to ourselves and to others. Think about what that means.
Our value comes down to self-acceptance; how we regard ourselves in spite of what others may say or do. BE and DO for YOU first.
Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with Miss Lexie, a rambunctious Maltese and Mr. Malcolm, the boisterous Havanese. She can be reached via email at Carla MacInnis Rockwell
