Reaching out to seniors experiencing pet loss

Sketches of Miss Lady the Westie and Mr. Clancy the Cairn

created by Lynne Saintonge, Canadian Painter and Visual Artist

        Many of us have experienced pet loss at some point in our lives, whether it’s a turtle when we were 4, the family dog when we were 10, or first chosen pet cat when we still lived with  our parents. All those losses were lessons in humaneness and the importance of being kind.

When a senior loses a pet, it’s more than the passing of Fido or Fluffy who was loved and cared for every moment of life. It’s so much more, and caregivers and health care professionals need to be alert to the needs of a senior facing the prospect of a life without their faithful friend. Seniors and others considered ‘at risk’, living on their own with no daily companionship of fellow humans often seek comfort and connection with a pet; a dog or a cat. Caring for a pet develops a daily routine — a series of intimate rituals with another living being.

In 1992-1993, my husband and I coped with the deaths of 5 animals in an 8-month period; the first, was almost 7 year old Mr. Clancy, a Cairn terrier. In the middle of a snowstorm, we drove to our Fredericton veterinarian on Boxing Day of 1992 to get help for our little guy. My husband dropped me off at Luna Pizza where I raised a few glasses to the tenacious one; I couldn’t bring myself to attend at his crossing Rainbow Bridge. When we returned from the vet’s, a cat that had been missing for months and thought dead was sitting on the porch steps.  That cat tale another time.

In the summer of 1993, we first bade farewell to Miss Lady, a 20 year old Westhighland White Terrier. A senior Shih-Tzu, Miss Pepper, adopted a few weeks later was only with us for a short time. Unbeknownst to us at adoption was that she had throat cancer; her previous owner died of throat cancer not long after. 

Two of the original Charlotte Street cats left us as well; Mr. Basil (the black) walked back to Fredericton weeks after we moved to the country. The vet and we agreed to leave him in the care of his Charlotte Street friends. Mr. Hansel, a klutz of a cat, dropped dead in the kitchen after a massive heart attack. He was a dog’s best friend.

In 1994, we adopted two Cairn terrier brothers, Mr. Alex and Mr. Jake; the house was lively again when they joined 4 resident cats. Sadly Mr. Alex was not long-lived and after 4 years of his company, we then carried on with his brother and the felines. The behaviour of all demonstrated an acknowledgement of his passing. They knew.

Later, at the deaths of the two eldest cats, the former barn cat twin brothers from next door, stepped in to their new role as ‘senior cats of the house’. The circle of life continues. 

The last pet to pass away while my husband was still alive was one of the ‘senior fellows’; several months earlier, his littermate had been struck by a car and killed. We were not able to recover his body for burial. 

Fast forward to 2007, when we were three — my husband, me, and Mr. Jake, the 16 year old Cairn terrier. In September of that year, my husband passed away. In November, Mr. Jake succumbed to heart disease. In January of 2008, my father, a well-respected physician in Bath, passed away.

Those fortunate enough to have an open communication with their physician that allows them to talk about their pet during an office visit will feel less anxiety about conversations regarding their pet’s health as they age. Knowing what other layers make up the life of a senior patient allows care personnel to act accordingly; a senior stressed about a health crisis of an aging pet will benefit from guidance from their own doctors, who then have opportunity to network with local vet clinics and shelters to create  safety nets of service for a patient who needs help. ElderDog Canada, one such service, provides a valuable supports and is a phone call away.

The aging pet poses lots of challenges especially for seniors fixed incomes who often base decisions of care on finances. It’s important for older pet owners to open lines of communication with their veterinarian very early on with any new pet they adopt. Certainly, vet practices have financial obligations of their own but they’re not totally unfeeling when it comes to the needs of their patients and their people. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. It was through my own vet that I adopted Mr. Digby and Miss Lexie.

Conversations about feelings attached to impending pet loss or the passing of a beloved pet must not be minimized by those in our circle who are not pet people, for whom dogs and cats were never part of their daily lives. For so many of us, ‘pets are people, too.’

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca 

Aging in place: Chez Rockwell is the space for me

Co-housing, aging in place; aging together. It’s a trend gaining in popularity in Canada, the US and around the world, having its origins in Denmark. To me, it makes a lot of sense but it’s not to be entered into lightly — rather like marriage. It takes committment and a lot of work each and every day.

In New Brunswick,  as was the case in many provinces across the country, most families were comprised of several generations living under one roof back in the day when farming communities were thriving and it was ‘all hands’ to work the land. At the time, gender played a role with regard to tasks. Today, men and women have a hand in all manner of shared tasks which works well when combined with communication and compromise.

Communication and compromise are the glues that keep a relationship intact and growing and going along in a healthy, constructive and productive way. That’s why co-housing makes sense, especially for lifelong friends who believe they’d do better with each other than on their own. Together, they have a better chance of not becoming nursing home statistics. Government take heed. Real estate developers and builders, listen up. We need to rethink where and how our seniors live. 

When we lose the supports of the traditional family dynamic, through death, or family members moving to other locations around the world, we begin to feel the stress that those changes impose upon our daily lives. Our physical and emotional health often takes a hit and we experience one or more health situations that may not exist were we not on our own. A viable solution is to share the new reality with others, whether a close friend, or someone interviewed through the process of finding a housemate or 2 or even 3. Sort of like the multi-generational family farm without the farm.

Co-housing also means sharing the bills and the responsibilities of the house, going beyond practical financial arrangements. It’s cheaper to live with somebody else while at the same time contributing to our physical and emotional wellness. Sharing and caring together enhances quality of life and puts off an often inevitable transition into nursing home/assisted living care.

New Brunswick needs co-housing, as people currently aging in place alone in sprawling homes that are becomg more difficult to maintain, would be far better served sharing with a long time friend in a similar situation. The financial health of the province’s systems of care would also improve as they would be less burdened with people who would be far happier in a space that’s easier to manage. Co-housing combines the best features of home ownership with the added layers of security, companionship, community spaces in buildings that are on the ‘campus’, within walking distance. Movie nights and pot luck suppers in the community lounge. Then, back to your own private home with your housemate. You own it. It’s yours. Having places to go and people to see is far better than any anti-anxiety medication or sleeping pill. The possibilities for a long term ‘people prescription’ are endless.

I believe that developers in this province and beyond would do well to embrace the idea of co-operative housing units, which include all the features that are critical to safety. Invaluable would be consulting  with persons with challenges to daily living who know, based on life experience, what would be needed in a home for older people who want to ‘age in place’. Ask me about kitchens.

The cost of purchasing a property in a senior cohousing community is comparable to buying a house in a traditional community; further, buying a home in a newer development, downsizing to a smaller property, can reduce maintenance and overhead costs such as utility bills. To further reduce expenses, some senior cohousing communities also encourage neighbors to share resources such as lawn maintenance equipment. What a great way to meet `n greet.

Fredericton, in particular, and New Brunswick, in general, is ideally suited to multi-generational co-housing, given that Fredericton is a ‘university town’, and New Brunswick has several university campuses and lots of students in need of housing. Friendships across generations is critical to emotional health and wellness — ask any senior who only gets to see grandchildren a few times a year, if that.  

Co-housing with age related peers and multi-generational cohousing contribute to improved physical health, reduces the number of seniors living in poverty, which impacts wellness. In my view, cohousing is necessary for survival, particularly for those ‘at risk’ populations who would benefit from a sustained people connection. To learn more, visit Canada Co-housing Network.

For myself, if I was fortunate enough to match with a compatible housemate, I’d certainly be amenable to opening the doors of Chez Rockwell to a roomie. Must love dogs! 

Carla MacInnis Rockwell is a freelance writer and disability rights advocate living outside Fredericton, NB with her aging Australian silky terrier and a rambunctious Maltese. She can be reached via email at carmacrockwell@xplornet.ca